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As technological innovation brings about rapid changes, retraining becomes a lifelong necessity therefore, industry should take responsibility for education training and retraining of their workers. To what extent do you agree to this idea v.1

As technological innovation brings about rapid changes, retraining becomes a lifelong necessity therefore, industry should take responsibility for education training and retraining of their workers. 1
It is a known fact that the majority of the university students prefer to attend school away from their family houses. They believe it gives them freedom to be whoever they choose to be. In my opinion, living with your parents while attending the University is more beneficial to the students. Firstly, the comfort, companionship, togetherness and peace that accompanies staying with family cannot be found outside, it can help improve the mental health of the student. For instance, study shows that the fraction of the populace that remain with their families tend to have better grades in school. Also, there is a sense of security and comfort that comes to staying with people you are already familiar with. Families are great confidence boosters as well as great instructors to help guide you through the decision making through the schooling process. Another point to note is the fact that living away from home comes with some extra financial implications; which includes paying for food and accommodation, all which could be avoided and redirected to meet other needs. Furthermore, it increases the chances of contacting different diseases. These students are prone to contacting communicable diseases and infections when they decide to move in with strangers. And since most of these infections are not sight-detected, you will never know until you have contacted it yourself. To conclude, I believe there are some cons associated with living with your family and attending college, but it is necessary that the mental, physical and financial health benefits of staying with family should be prioritized when making the decision on where to live.
It is a known fact that the majority of the university students prefer to attend school away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. They believe it gives them freedom to be whoever they choose to be. In my opinion, living with your parents while attending the University is more beneficial to the students.

Firstly
, the comfort, companionship, togetherness and peace that accompanies staying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
cannot
be found
outside, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the mental health of the student.
For instance
, study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the fraction of the populace that remain with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
tend to have better grades in school.
Also
, there is a sense of security and comfort that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to staying with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
you are already familiar with.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Families
are great confidence boosters
as well
as great instructors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
guide you through the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
through the schooling process.

Another point to note is the fact that living away from home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra financial implications; which includes paying for food and accommodation, all which could
be avoided
and redirected to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
other needs.
Furthermore
, it increases the chances of contacting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases. These students are prone to contacting communicable diseases and infections when they decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in with strangers. And since most of these infections are not sight-detected, you will never know until you have contacted it yourself.

To conclude
, I believe there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons associated with living with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and attending college,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is necessary that the mental, physical and financial health benefits of staying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should
be prioritized
when making the decision on where to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay As technological innovation brings about rapid changes, retraining becomes a lifelong necessity therefore, industry should take responsibility for education training and retraining of their workers. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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