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Today our lifestyle is changing rapidly and affects family relationships Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages v.2

Today our lifestyle is changing rapidly and affects family relationships Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
In recent years, technological innovations and the liberation in human perception of life have had an immense influence on family connections. In my sentiment, these developments have both positive and negative effects. On the one hand, there are several merits resulting from the contemporary lifestyle to family relationships. First, new technologies have had the significant impact on the interaction and connection of humankind. For example, cutting-edge internet applications and modern services like Facebook and Skype respectively, which allow people not only to keep in touch with their family members but also to help them can take video to make face-to-face meetings via computers or telephones instead of using written letters or telegrams. Furthermore, this means of communication also helps people save time as well as money considerably and sparks the tremendous change in their frame of mind. Secondly, there is now a sense among most parents that are likely to be more open-minded and easy-going. Nowadays, most parents allow their children to voice their personal opinions and to comfortably pursue their dreams, jobs or pastimes based on their own volition. Finally, the modern lifestyle also encourages people to be more independent and self-reliant and render people manifest less strain and stress. On the other hand, these developments can be extremely negative. From my perspective, the availability of new communication technologies can also have the result of isolating people and deterring them from connecting with each other in real interaction. To be specific, people always take away telephones or computers when they are work or go outside for some personal purposes and make they seem to be dependent on these modern applications. As a result, they spend less time with their family members and it gradually shatters their family relationships. Another major drawback is the less respect to the elderly and parents in families of the young demographics. That means that some youngsters appear to underestimate and ignore several traditional values of families. Finally, the direct consequence of the modern lifestyle is the high rates of divorce in many countries in the world. In conclusion, the modern lifestyle has certainly changed human means of communication and the ideas of life, but not at all of the outcomes of these developments have been positive.
In recent years, technological innovations and the liberation in human perception of life have had an immense influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
connections. In my sentiment, these developments have both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

On the one hand, there are several merits resulting from the contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships.
First
, new technologies have had the significant impact on the interaction and connection of humankind.
For example
, cutting-edge internet applications and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
services like Facebook and Skype
respectively
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them can take video to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
face-to-face meetings via computers or telephones
instead
of using written letters or telegrams.
Furthermore
, this means of communication
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
save time
as well
as money
considerably
and sparks the tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their frame of mind.
Secondly
, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a sense among most parents that are likely to be more open-minded and easy-going. Nowadays, most parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their children to voice their personal opinions and to
comfortably
pursue their dreams, jobs or pastimes based on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
volition.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
also
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more independent and self-reliant and render
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
manifest less strain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.

On the other hand
, these developments can be
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. From my perspective, the availability of new communication technologies can
also
have the result of isolating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and deterring them from connecting with each other in real interaction. To be specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always take away telephones or computers when they are work or go outside for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
personal purposes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
they seem to be dependent on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
applications.
As a result
, they spend less time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and it
gradually
shatters their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationships. Another major drawback is the less respect to the elderly and parents in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
of the young demographics. That means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters appear to underestimate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
several traditional values of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Finally
, the direct consequence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is the high rates of divorce in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries in the world.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
human means of communication and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at
Consider using "all the".
all of the
outcomes of these developments have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Today our lifestyle is changing rapidly and affects family relationships Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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