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Today our lifestyle is changing rapidly and affects family relationships Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages v.1

Today our lifestyle is changing rapidly and affects family relationships Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 1
In the education field, teachers consistently play an essential role. Some people claim that teachers are only an occupation to teach students about knowledge and academic information. Others advocate that teachers should teach not only subjects but also disciplines and basic ethical judgments. In my own perspective, the age of students is the truly crucial indicator to determine the aspect of the teacher's role. In kindergartens, children merely learn how to communicate with peers and how to be socialised. The purpose of teachers is aimed to assist children's socialisation and their personality development. In this stage, teaching academic subjects is not the first priority of teachers. Instead, teachers are more likely to build up a role model for students so that kids can establish adequately ethical perspectives, well-socialised behaviour and correct judgmental foundation. From primary schools to high schools, teachers, indeed, play a more complicated role in terms of teaching. Juveniles get easily influenced by external environment and other peers' behaviour. As a result, teachers are expected to guide those students in correct life pathway as well as to teach them a wage diversity of knowledge for future career and study life. Among this period, teaching and guiding students are equally important for teachers. After that, in university and higher education, most of the students are, compared to previous stages, equivalently mature enough to take responsibility for their own behaviour. Therefore, there is no need for teachers and professors teach those students how to judge right and wrong. Knowledge exchange is likely to be the major relation maker of the teachers and students at this stage. In conclusion, undoubtedly, teachers take the participant in student's life. The role of teachers does strongly associate with the age of students.
In the education field,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
consistently
play an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an occupation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about knowledge and academic information. Others advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
disciplines and basic ethical judgments. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is the
truly
crucial indicator to determine the aspect of the teacher's role.

In kindergartens, children
merely
learn how to communicate with peers and how to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialised' is British English.
socialised
. The purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is aimed
to assist children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
and their personality development. In this stage, teaching academic subjects is not the
first
priority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are more likely to build up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that kids can establish
adequately
ethical perspectives,
Possible spelling mistake found.
well-socialised
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and correct judgmental foundation.

From primary schools to high schools,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
indeed
, play a more complicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in terms of teaching. Juveniles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
influenced by external environment and other peers'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to guide those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in correct life pathway
as well
as to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them a wage diversity of knowledge for future career and study life. Among this period, teaching and guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for teachers.

After that, in university and higher education, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are, compared to previous stages,
equivalently
mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to take responsibility for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Therefore
, there is no need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and professors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
how to judge right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Knowledge exchange is likely to be the major relation maker of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at this stage.

In conclusion
,
undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
take the participant in student's life. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
does
strongly
associate with the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Today our lifestyle is changing rapidly and affects family relationships Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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