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when people move to another country, some people prefer to follow the customs of their new country, while others prefer to keep their own customs. which one do you prefer? use details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

when people move to another country, some people prefer to follow the customs of their new country, while others prefer to keep their own customs. which one do you prefer? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
Due to technological advancements, it is quite easier to commute from one country to another. Nowadays, most of the travellers travel to the places where the conditions are extreme. There are many pros of this, like they get to know about the specialities of that area. On the downside, sometimes people are not able to adapt in such climatic conditions. So, before visiting these places, tourists should get their bodies examined by the professionals. Undoubtedly, travelling makes the person diverse and they are able to adjust to any situation by facing the most difficult paths like in the Sahara Desert and the Antarctica. By exploring the number of places, they are able to get knowledge about the different life forms and their adaptive features. For instance, polar bear can adapt very easily in polar regions due to its body covered with fur and their ability to swim and Camel can easily adapt to the hot weather of deserts because they can store water and they have long legs which protect them from the heat of the sand. On the other hand, when people voyage places with exceptional physical conditions, they might suffer from intensive health issues which makes them physically unwell. For example, if a person visits a hilly area, then due low atmospheric conditions, he/she may suffer from difficulty in breathing. Furthermore, at these places, travellers may not get enough food to eat due to less transportation vehicles. To conclude, one must visit places with extremely low or high temperatures, but certain conditions must be taken into account like if a body is less adjustable than a person finds it difficult to survive in such a weather.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to technological advancements, it is quite easier to commute from one country to another. Nowadays, most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
travel to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where the conditions are extreme. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros of this, like they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about the specialities of that area. On the downside,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not able to adapt in such climatic conditions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, tourists should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their bodies examined by the professionals.

Undoubtedly
, travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
diverse and
they are able to adjust to any situation by facing the most difficult paths like in the Sahara Desert and the Antarctica. By exploring the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
life forms and their adaptive features.
For instance
, polar bear can adapt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
in polar regions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to its body covered with fur and their ability to swim and Camel can
easily
adapt to the hot weather of deserts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can store
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
water and
they have long legs which protect them from the heat of the sand.

On the other hand
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
voyage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with exceptional physical conditions, they might suffer from intensive health issues which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
physically
unwell.
For example
, if a person visits a hilly area, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
low atmospheric conditions, he/she may suffer from difficulty in breathing.
Furthermore
, at these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to less transportation vehicles.

To conclude
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with
extremely
low or high temperatures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
certain conditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account like if a body is less adjustable than a person finds it difficult to survive in such a weather.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay when people move to another country, some people prefer to follow the customs of their new country, while others prefer to keep their own customs. which one do you prefer? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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