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As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in smallfamily units. In your opinion, what is this cause and what are the effects onsociety? v.2

As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in smallfamily units. In your opinion, what is this cause and what are the effects onsociety? v. 2
It is increasingly common that families are currently declining in their sizes. The aims of this essay is to highlight primary factors leading to this trend and predict its potential social consequences. There are several reasons responsible for the fact that people prefer living in smaller family units compared to the past. Firstly, it is obvious that individualism is gaining more popularity, especially among younger people. The youth are likely to prefer staying by their own and freely doing what interests them rather than being restricted to the traditional responsibility of raising a family. Take my sister, who has a passion for traveling and shopping but not for marrying or bring children up, as an example. Another important cause worth mentioning is the cost. There is no doubt that the living cost of a nuclear family, which has only two generations, including parents and their offspring, is far affordable than that of an extended family, having a number of generations living under the same roof. Various problems, both welcoming and unwelcoming, relating to this tendency are anticipated. If more and more people choose to pursue a single life, this inevitably triggers a decline in the birth rate. As a result, an ageing population is expected, leading to a shortage of productive and energetic workers. A telling example is Japan, which is facing with consequences of accelerating number of elderly people, this country has to import foreign labours to fulfil the employment demand of nursing. Nevertheless, raising a miniature household can ensure a better living standard for every member. In earlier times, it was common for a family with five to ten children, and may be due to this, the rate of illiteracy was significant at that time. In conclusion, there are a host of reasons behind this trend and it causes both favourable and unfavourable impacts on society.
It is
increasingly
common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
currently
declining in their sizes. The aims of this essay is to highlight primary factors leading to this trend and predict its potential social consequences.

There are several reasons responsible for the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
units compared to the past.
Firstly
, it is obvious that individualism is gaining more popularity,
especially
among younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The youth
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
likely to prefer staying by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
freely
doing what interests them
rather
than
being restricted
to the traditional responsibility of raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Take my sister, who has a passion for traveling and shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for marrying or bring children up, as an example. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause worth mentioning is the cost. There is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
cost of a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two generations, including parents and their offspring, is far
Use "(affordable)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
affordable
than that of an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, having a number of generations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
under the same roof.

Various problems, both welcoming and unwelcoming, relating to this tendency
are anticipated
. If more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to pursue a single life, this
inevitably
triggers a decline in the birth rate.
As a result
, an
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
, leading to a shortage of productive and energetic workers. A telling example is Japan, which is facing with consequences of accelerating number of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
import foreign
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
to fulfil the employment demand of nursing.
Nevertheless
, raising a miniature household can ensure a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standard for every member. In earlier times, it was common for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with five to ten children, and may be due to this, the rate of illiteracy was significant at that time.

In conclusion
, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "hosts"?
host
of reasons behind this trend and it causes both
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
impacts on society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in smallfamily units. In your opinion, what is this cause and what are the effects onsociety? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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