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As countries become more developed many fast food outlets move into the country giving local people greater access to fast food Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v.2

As countries become more developed many fast food outlets move into the country giving local people greater access to fast food Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
It is a matter of fact that the fast-food industry is becoming more and more essential for the development of any country recently. As a result, people get access to this type of food easier, which brings about not only benefits but also potential risks. One the one hand, undeniably, the more fast food outlets appear, the more advantages people receive. Firstly, this field has an enormous demand for the workforce while entering a new market. Consequently, this action offers opportunities for people who are in need of jobs. Secondly, living in these modern and tiring days, many find it time-saving when eating fast food than cooking at home. According to the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, about 85 million people consume this food in just only a single day. On the other hand, a preference for this convenient food can spark off extreme negativeness. People frequently having fast food are likely to experience dangerous diseases. The percentage of having heart attacks, diabetes, cancer is considerably high because this food contains a huge amount of sugar, cholesterol and salt component. Besides, the love for processed food can lead to the neglect of nation diverse specialties. The community would pay less attention to either distinct or delicious food of their country. Consequently, these cannot be promoted reasonably and widely. In conclusion, the fact that fast food is the cause of tremendous health problems and ignorance of nation special food certainly outweigh the benefits, which are the convenience and the workforce needs.
It is a matter of fact that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food industry is becoming more and more essential for the development of any country recently.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
easier, which brings about not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand,
undeniably
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets appear, the more advantages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receive.
Firstly
, this field has an enormous demand for the workforce while entering a new market.
Consequently
, this action offers opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are in need of jobs.
Secondly
, living in these modern and tiring days,
Possible agreement error. The noun find seems to be countable; consider using: "many finds".
many find
it time-saving when eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than cooking at home. According to the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, about 85 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a single day.

On the other hand
, a preference for this convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can spark off extreme negativeness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
frequently
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are likely to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases. The percentage of having heart attacks, diabetes, cancer is
considerably
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contains a huge amount of sugar, cholesterol and salt component.
Besides
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can lead to the neglect of nation diverse specialties. The community would pay less attention to either distinct or delicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
of their country.
Consequently
, these cannot
be promoted
reasonably
and
widely
.

In conclusion
, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the cause of tremendous health problems and ignorance of nation special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
certainly
outweigh the benefits, which are the convenience and the workforce needs.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay As countries become more developed many fast food outlets move into the country giving local people greater access to fast food Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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