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As countries become more developed many fast food outlets move into the country giving local people greater access to fast food Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v.1

As countries become more developed many fast food outlets move into the country giving local people greater access to fast food Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 1
Internet is considered to be, one of the best inventions of the 20th century. Information that was limited to a few professionals, is available to all. I believe, the Internet is giving people greater freedom to learn, however with some consequences. The main benefit of the Internet is learning, be it academic or general. In other words, people can now learn new skills in the comfort of their homes. For instance, big tech companies have removed formal education as their job requirement because a ten year old self-taught programmer can be as well as a university graduate. Furthermore, people are choosing to learn online rather than paying thousands of dollars for a degree. This easy access to information is helping individuals to learn quickly and change their professions, whereas it would have required a degree in the past. It is said, too much of everything is bad. This is also true for a plethora of information that is available nowadays. If there are people earning degrees online, you can also learn to build destructive weapons like bomb and guns. For example, in 2016 the USA had to pass new laws to restrict 3D printing of guns from CAD models that are available on the internet. In addition, all the sensitive information about citizens can also be hacked online. It is getting difficult for governments to secure and manage such a vast amount of data. To conclude, while there are advantages to readily available information, we cannot overlook it's drawbacks. Governments should enforce strict rules to make information secure for everybody.
Internet
is considered
to be, one of the best inventions of the 20th century.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
that
was limited
to a few professionals, is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
to all. I believe, the Internet is giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
greater freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
,
however
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consequences.

The main benefit of the Internet is learning, be it academic or general.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the comfort of their homes.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
tech
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have removed formal education as their job requirement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a ten year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
self-taught programmer can be
as well
as a university graduate.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
online
rather
than paying thousands of dollars for a degree. This easy access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is helping individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
quickly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their professions, whereas it would have required a degree in the past.

It
is said
, too much of everything is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. This is
also
true for a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
nowadays. If there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earning degrees online, you can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to build destructive weapons like bomb and guns.
For example
, in 2016 the USA had to pass new laws to restrict 3D printing of guns from CAD models that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
on the internet.
In addition
, all the sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about citizens can
also
be hacked
online. It is getting difficult for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to secure and manage such a vast amount of data.

To conclude
, while there are advantages to
readily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, we cannot overlook
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
drawbacks.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should enforce strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
secure for everybody.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay As countries become more developed many fast food outlets move into the country giving local people greater access to fast food Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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