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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree with these views? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.2

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 2
There is no doubt that these days children obesity rate is increasing significantly in develop nations. The Question is, is it related to fast food spread accesses or because parent not taking care of their kids health? It is considered one of the controversial issues today. In this essay I'm to discuss both side views and draw my own opinion. In terms of problems of increasing number of fast food store is the major cause of overweight for youngster in advanced countries. The Main reason to support this issue is that false Marketing of restaurant. To illustrate, MacDonald’s influence people by their advertising their food as it’s healthy and has no harm by showing a famous people eating at their places. In other words, most kids get deceived by false add. Hence, fast food encourages underage people to eat at their store and it would lead to notorious habit. However, I don't believe that parents are the cause of over obese of their kids. Firstly, kids always get brain washed by outside people more than their own family. For example, my friend follows healthy lifestyle and serves healthy food at home but his kids are overweight. Secondly, kids spend more time with their friend’s more than their parents. This is because they enjoy their time with someone same their age. Also, kids do what makes them more comfortable and easy and that does will make them blind in with society. Thus, i believe that spread out of fast food outlets has more impact in kid’s behavior then their parents as proved by researches in US. In conclusion, it is evident that parents have no impact in kids health no matter how discipline they are with their kids. However, the increased number of restaurant in every corner and false marketing can change kids perception and led of deteriorating children health.
There is no doubt that these days children obesity rate is increasing
significantly
in develop nations. The Question is, is it related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
spread accesses or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
not taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
health? It
is considered
one of the controversial issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In this essay I'm to discuss both side views and draw my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

In terms of problems of increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
store is the major cause of overweight for youngster in advanced countries. The Main reason to support this issue is that false Marketing of restaurant. To illustrate, MacDonald’s influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by their advertising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as it’s healthy and has no harm by showing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eating at their places.
In other words
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deceived by false
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
encourages underage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to eat at their store and it would lead to notorious habit.

However
, I don't believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the cause of over obese of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
brain washed by outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family.
For example
, my friend follows healthy lifestyle and serves healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are overweight.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
spend more time with their friend’s more than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they enjoy their time with someone same their age.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
do what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more comfortable and easy and that does will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them blind in with society.
Thus
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that spread out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets has more impact in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
behavior then their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as proved by researches in US.

In conclusion
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have no impact in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
health no matter how discipline they are with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
However
, the increased number of restaurant in every corner and false marketing can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
perception and led of deteriorating children health.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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