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As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom. To what extent do you agree? v.11

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom. v. 11
It is an undeniable fact that, modern education system has been revolutionized by the advent of computers. Some people think that, this newer introduction can replace teachers in the classroom. However, I totally disagree with this point of view and following are some of the reasons why I believe so. Firstly, teachers help students understand their strengths and weaknesses in a way that no computer can. Say for instance, in a class comprising of 30 students, not all of them have the same abilities to cope up with the variety of subjects. Since, teachers have both, the talent and expertise to reach at the level of each student and explain them accordingly, it is their presence which helps students to perform well in even the most difficult subjects quite easily. Secondly, the teacher-student relationship is a great example of human interaction. Take for example, in a classroom, when students interact with their teachers, they get to know the concept of respect and admiration. Moreover, it is an opportunity for them to learn from the experience of their mentors, which grooms their personalities incredibly. On the contrary, machines like computers lack the capability of conveying this sense of maturity and growth to their users. To sum up, computers have, without doubt brought a tremendous change in the classrooms. Nevertheless, they do not have the power to replace teachers completely, because they are no alternative to the aptitude of a teacher and the bundle of traits which can be learnt from them by their students.
It is an undeniable fact that, modern education system has
been revolutionized
by the advent of computers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, this newer introduction can replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in the classroom.
However
, I
totally
disagree with this point of view and following are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons why I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
understand their strengths and weaknesses in a way that no computer can. Say
for instance
, in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
Did you mean "comprising" or "consisting of"?
comprising of
30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, not all of them have the same abilities to cope up with the variety of subjects. Since,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have both, the talent and expertise to reach at the level of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
them
accordingly
, it is their presence which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to perform well in even the most difficult subjects quite
easily
.

Secondly
, the teacher-student relationship is a great example of human interaction. Take
for example
, in a classroom, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
interact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the concept of respect and admiration.
Moreover
, it is an opportunity for them to learn from the experience of their mentors, which grooms their personalities
incredibly
.
On the contrary
, machines like computers lack the capability of conveying this sense of maturity and growth to their users.

To sum up, computers have, without doubt brought a tremendous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the classrooms.
Nevertheless
, they do not have the power to replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
completely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are no alternative to the aptitude of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and the bundle of traits which can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from them by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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