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As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.7

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. v. 7
Nowadays, technological advances have highly changed human life, electronic devices such as computers, smart screens, tablets, etc. , have led people to sedentary lifestyles with accompanying health problems. I certainly agree that technological developments glue people on the screens and consequently they tend to have problems with their bones or suffer obesity because of long periods of time sitting or lying. Also, I believe that more physical activities should be promoted to counter these effects. Firstly, at an early age people start using these technologies for recreational activities. It is known that a high percentage of youngsters spend many hours a day playing video games on their computers. Studies have demonstrated that young adults suffer backbone problems because of sitting for long periods of time. Families should encourage their kids to play some other games like running or swimming. Furthermore, adults suffer the effects of low physical activity as well. For example, many people decide to stay home and watch tv series on their smart screen or phones for many hours after work rather than going to the gym or practicing any other kind of sports. As a result of this, a big amount of the population suffers obesity. As adults, they should consider cooking healthy food to prevent overweight because of the lack of physical activity. To summarize, electronic inventions have brought health issues in the society like backaches and obesity because the content on these devices reduce their physical activity. Families should take complementary habits like practicing sports and having healthy eating habits to reduce the negative effects of technology.
Nowadays, technological advances have
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
human life, electronic devices such as computers, smart screens, tablets, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
have led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sedentary lifestyles with accompanying health problems. I
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that technological developments glue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the screens and
consequently
they tend to have problems with their bones or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffer
obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of long periods of time sitting or lying.
Also
, I believe that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be promoted
to counter these effects.

Firstly
, at an early age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using these technologies for recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It
is known
that a high percentage of youngsters spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours a day playing video games on their computers. Studies have demonstrated that young adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffer
backbone problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of sitting for long periods of time. Families should encourage their kids to play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other games like running or swimming.

Furthermore
, adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffer
the effects of low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
as well
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to stay home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
series on their smart screen or phones for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours after work
rather
than going to the gym or practicing any other kind of sports.
As a result
of this, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of the population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
suffers
obesity. As adults, they should consider cooking healthy food to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
overweight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity.

To summarize
, electronic inventions have brought health issues in the society like backaches and obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the content on these devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. Families should take complementary habits like practicing sports and having healthy eating habits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of technology.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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