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As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. v. 3
It is irrefutable that digital technologies have completely changed our lifestyles. While it has been advantageous in many aspects, these transitions also have some perilous effects such as on human health. Hence, I completely agree with the argument that the invention of computer and television devices are responsible for less physical activities of the people, and consequently their degrading health. The preferences of people have gradually changed with time. Juveniles prefer playing video games rather that doing some physical activity. As a result, they are turning into couch potatoes and growing unhealthy. Owing to no physical activity involved in their regular schedule, fat gets collected in their bodies which make them obese, lazy and lethargic. A recent research held in New York testified that the percentage of obese children have gone up by 46% in the last two decades. By the same token, physical games and activities also helps in growing the intellectual level of a child. It teaches them basic lessons and also make them ready to think wisely in an adverse situation. Therefore, skipping such outdoor activities for indoor digital games also detrimentally affects the mental health as well. It makes a child dumb and many games such as Pupg and Vice city also teach violence which has a detrimental effect on his thought process. In conclusion, electronic items have atrocious effects on the health of a person as people get engrossed in it and avoid physical exercises and games. They also have a rotten effect on the mental health and growth of the children.
It is irrefutable that digital technologies have completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our lifestyles. While it has been advantageous in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects, these transitions
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
perilous effects such as on human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Hence
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that the invention of computer and television devices are responsible for less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
consequently
their degrading health.

The preferences of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with time. Juveniles prefer playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
As a result
, they are turning into couch potatoes and growing unhealthy. Owing to no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
involved in their regular schedule,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
collected in their bodies which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them obese, lazy and lethargic. A recent research held in New York testified that the percentage of obese children have gone up by 46% in the last two decades.

By the same token,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in growing the intellectual level of a child. It teaches them basic lessons and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
wisely
in an adverse situation.
Therefore
, skipping such outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for indoor digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
detrimentally
affects the mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as well
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a child dumb and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pupg
and Vice city
also
teach violence which has a detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process.

In conclusion
, electronic items have atrocious effects on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of a person as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
engrossed in it and avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They
also
have a rotten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on the mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and growth of the children.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Munia Khan

IELTS essay As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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