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As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Nowadays, people do less physical activities because of electronic inventions such as the computer, television and this is having a negative effect on their health. In my opinion, I totally agree with this statement. Technology such as computer and television give many benefit for people. Firstly, people can know the information quickly by watching Tv from many channels. Secondly, the computer support people in many works. And it allow eveyone to communicate and keep in touch with friends and family. However, beside of its advantages, electronic inventions have lots of negative effect. They effect negative on our health if we don’t do physical activities. People spend a long time watching TV or computer. They concentrate on computer, TV without do excercise. They are gradually lazy. And if They don’t do physical activities, they will catch diseases such as: obesity, diabetes, . . . . . Moreover, our eyes will get tired if we look at screen during a long time. This is harmful and can lead to blindness. As a result, it is better to reduce the amount of time that using the screen and computer. In conclusion, although technology can help for human’s life, it has negative effects. Good health is very important, so we should protect my health by do more physical activities.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of electronic inventions such as the computer, television and this is having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Technology such as computer and television give
Possible agreement error. The noun benefit seems to be countable; consider using: “many benefits”.
many benefit
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can know the information
quickly
by watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
channels.
Secondly
, the computer support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works. And it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “allows”.
allow
Possible spelling mistake found.
eveyone
to communicate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with friends and family.

However
, beside of its advantages, electronic inventions have lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
if we don’t do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
spend a long time watching TV or computer. They concentrate on computer, TV without do
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercise
. They are
gradually
lazy. And if They don’t do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they will catch diseases such as: obesity, diabetes
Did you just mean “,” or “.”?
, .
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Don’t put a space before the full stop.
.
Moreover
, our eyes will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired if we look at screen during a long time. This is harmful and can lead to blindness.
As a result
, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of time that using the screen and computer.

In conclusion
, although technology can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
for human’s life, it has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should protect my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
by do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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