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Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects? v.1

The way a society functions often reflects its ethos, artistry and talent pursuits. I think it is important for children to achieve proficiency in art subjects. Art plays an indispensable role in shaping and expressing the cultural aspects of any nation. If no one pursued arts, we wouldn’t have exquisite artifacts, sculptures, ornaments, and architectural monuments to boast of. It also helps us understand our ancestors, roots, and evolutionary patterns through previous civilizations. Art has a profound effect on our creativity. Art as a field of work stimulates ingenuity and inventiveness. Many famous artistic discoveries in literature, music, songs and dance forms exemplify the success of art disciplines. The well-known painting of monalisa nd breath-taking design of Taj Mahal and eiffel tower in Paris are just a few illustrations. Likewise, many forms of music such as classical, jazz and rock performances have emerged through arts. Furthermore, art gives a platform for students to explore the hidden potentials and offers them better career alternatives. Even people from less privileged backgrounds can change their life by showcasing their artistic prowess. For example, last year the winner of India’s Got Talent hailed from a humble background. This contestant not only earned huge prize money but also got opportunities in upcoming films. Lastly, I feel it is less likely that all students will be interested in pursuing mainstream subjects. In order to have a balanced society, it is imperative that considerable proportion of students study art subjects. We need as many artists, painters, musicians, historians and media professionals as we need doctors, engineers and scientists. In summary, I believe that art greatly influences our cultural and historical knowledge in a positive way. Artistic achievements benefit individuals and society at large. New talents are unearthed. Therefore, I feel that children should be encouraged to take art subjects; however, they should be given a choice. Preferring art subjects over others should not be the norm.
The way a society functions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
reflects its ethos, artistry and talent pursuits. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for children to achieve proficiency in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
plays an indispensable role in shaping and expressing the cultural aspects of any nation. If no one pursued
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, we wouldn’t have exquisite artifacts, sculptures, ornaments, and architectural monuments to boast of. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us understand our ancestors, roots, and evolutionary patterns through previous civilizations.

Art has a profound effect on our creativity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
as a field of work stimulates ingenuity and inventiveness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
artistic discoveries in literature, music, songs and dance forms exemplify the success of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
disciplines. The well-known painting of
Possible spelling mistake found.
monalisa
Possible spelling mistake found.
nd
breath-taking design of Taj Mahal and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
eiffel tower
in Paris are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few illustrations.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
forms of music such as classical, jazz and rock performances have emerged through arts.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gives a platform for students to explore the hidden potentials and offers them better career alternatives. Even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from less privileged backgrounds can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Did you mean “lives”?
life
by showcasing their artistic prowess.
For example
, last year the winner of India’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Got
Talent hailed from a humble background. This contestant not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
earned huge prize money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
opportunities in upcoming films.

Lastly
, I feel it is less likely that all students will
be interested
in pursuing mainstream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. In order to have a balanced society, it is imperative that considerable proportion of students study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. We need as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
artists, painters, musicians, historians and media professionals as we need doctors, engineers and scientists.

In summary, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
greatly
influences our cultural and historical knowledge in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way. Artistic achievements benefit individuals and society at large. New talents
are unearthed
.
Therefore
, I feel that children should
be encouraged
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
;
however
, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a choice. Preferring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
over others should not be the norm.
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Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think its important for children to be taught art? Do you think children should be encouraged to focus on art rather than other subjects?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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