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Arts is important form of expression for individual and culture of society. should children be taught arts in school in your opinion. is it important for children to focus on arts rather than other subjects v.2

Arts is important form of expression for individual and culture of society. should children be taught arts in school in your opinion. is it important for children to focus on arts rather than other subjects v. 2
Arts is a creative way of expressing oneself. It forms a significant part of society by depicting its culture. I believe it is extremely important for children to learn arts as it helps them in describing their inner feelings or emotions and also to develop fine motor and social skills. However, I do not think that children should be allowed to direct their attention to arts alone instead of other academic subjects. Arts for children is not only entertaining but also a way of expressing themselves. Sometimes young students may not be able to describe what they feel through words or actions but may be able to draw or paint their emotions, whether happy, sad or worried. In this way they may be able to communicate their thoughts to the adults, which is i feel an essential social skill. In addition to this, children learn fine motor skills while drawing delicate details or handling scissors and paint brushes. This improves their hand eye coordination which is a useful skill and if carried into adult life is helpful in performing jobs like construction, engineering and also surgeries. Hence, arts is essential for developing a child' s social and physical skills. Despite these advantages, I feel that arts should be an additional/optional subject for students specially after primary education. This is because many children may not be motivated to carry on with these classes due to increasing pressures from other academically challenging subjects such as maths or science. As children are inclined to make a career by performing well in these subjects they may not want to distract themselves with subjects such as arts which has a comparatively low professional success ratio. Therefore, only students who are passionate about pursuing arts as a career should be allowed to continue this subject in high school. In conclusion, although I am of the opinion that young children should be taught arts to develop their creative ideas, communication and motor skills, only students wishing to make arts as a profession should focus on this subject rather than other subjects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
is a creative way of expressing oneself. It forms a significant part of society by depicting its culture. I believe it is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in describing their inner feelings or emotions and
also
to develop fine motor and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to direct their attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
alone
instead
of other academic subjects.

Arts for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
entertaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a way of expressing themselves.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
what they feel through words or actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
may be able to draw or paint their emotions, whether happy, sad or worried. In this way they may be able to communicate their thoughts to the adults, which is
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
feel an essential social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn fine motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
while drawing delicate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
or handling scissors and paint brushes. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their hand eye coordination which is a useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and if carried into adult life is helpful in performing jobs like construction, engineering and
also
surgeries.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is essential for developing a
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s social and physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Despite these advantages, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should be an additional/optional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
specially
after primary education. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not
be motivated
to carry on with these classes due to increasing pressures from other
academically
challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
or science. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a career by performing well in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
they may not want to distract themselves with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
which has a
comparatively
low professional success ratio.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are passionate about pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a career should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to continue this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in high school.

In conclusion
, although I am of the opinion that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
to develop their creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, communication and motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
wishing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a profession should focus on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
rather
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Arts is important form of expression for individual and culture of society. should children be taught arts in school in your opinion. is it important for children to focus on arts rather than other subjects v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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