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Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you children should be encouraged to think focus on art rather than other subjects? v.8

Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you children should be encouraged to think focus on art rather than other subjects? v. 8
Art is considered to be one of the purest proclamation of self or the glory of society. It is speculated that Art is a medium to portray the essential things of society and one's own culture. In my point of view, Yes, Art should be educated to children, but its equally important to concentrate on other subjects as well. On taking up the initial part of the question whether it is crucial to teach art to students. Yes, I believe that these activities should be motivated among students and should be properly insisted. Dance, music, historical dramas and Literature are of forms used to develop cultural activities and to ignite students to find their passion for life. Consider a real world example Mr. A R Rahman, one of the famous musician's in the world, who got to know his passion by the music classes in his school days. By which the whole culture Indian society has got light on the stage of the world. Of which I would recommend that these spirits must be given to students right from their childhood. Looking into the lateral part of the question children directed towards art than others, I my view I would say, No, because art is important, but the number of people who have succeeded with them is very few. It is evident the poor percentage of people only can able succeed in Art related activities. It is all who have succeeded would come up in the stages and not the thousands who lost their lives at the backstage. Both should be well balanced among students educational courses. Conclusion: So I believe that both should be equally valued and the core outcome of educative courses must not be distracted by these activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is considered
to be one of the purest proclamation of self or the glory of society. It
is speculated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is a medium to portray the essential things of society and one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture. In my point of view, Yes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
should
be educated
to children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to concentrate on other subjects
as well
.

On taking up the initial part of
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
it is crucial to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Yes, I believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should
be motivated
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and should be
properly
insisted. Dance, music, historical dramas and Literature are of forms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to develop cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and to ignite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to find their passion for life. Consider a real world example Mr. A R Rahman, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
musician's in the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
to know his passion by the music classes in his school days. By which the whole culture Indian society has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
light on the stage of the world. Of which I would recommend that these spirits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
right from their childhood.

Looking into the lateral part of the question children directed towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
than others, I my view I would say, No,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have succeeded with them is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few. It is evident the poor percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can able succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. It is all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have succeeded would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up in the stages and not the thousands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at the backstage. Both should be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well balanced
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
educational courses.

Conclusion:

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I believe that both should be
equally
valued and the core outcome of educative courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
be distracted
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you children should be encouraged to think focus on art rather than other subjects? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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