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Some people think that tests of drugs on animals should be carried out as this would improve public health. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that tests of drugs on animals should be carried out as this would improve public health. v. 2
Some assert that studies related to drugs should be conducted on animals so as to enhance the general health among people. However, I totally disagree with the point of view that any sort of tests on living creatures would be cruel to the wildlife. First and foremost, one cannot deny that government should do myriad actions to achieve better results in terms of public welfare. But it seems an absurd idea to test new medications on animals. More specifically, most of the animal organisms do not correspond with humans, meaning that new methods of administering various antibiotics should be structured and enforced for so-called laboratories where animals are entangled in cages. For instance, in some of African countries basic drug researches are being held for volunteers chosen by tribes who live in primitive conditions. Secondly, having been injected several times animals eventually possess immune to the drugs. As an outcome, even though investigations bear satisfying fruits, no one can assure that how those medications affect on an individual's at best, and at worst these can lead the public to suffer further problems, namely cardiovascular diseases or even obesity. Moreover, I opine that it would be completely unacceptable for animal rights, while subject matter experts themselves are trying to preserve animals from extinction and restore the precious fauna. In conclusion, although the fact that carrying out drug based tests on wild animals has been the most common way to introduce new medications to the public, I consider it rather biased and prejudiced opinion as animals play an essential part in the ecological chain.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
assert that studies related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
should
be conducted
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
enhance the general health among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, I
totally
disagree with the point of view that any sort of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
on living creatures would be cruel to the wildlife.

First
and foremost, one cannot deny that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should do myriad actions to achieve better results in terms of public welfare.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it seems an absurd
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
new medications on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. More
specifically
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
organisms do not correspond with humans, meaning that new methods of administering various antibiotics should
be structured
and enforced for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called laboratories where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are entangled
in cages.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of African countries basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
researches are
being held
for volunteers chosen by tribes who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in primitive conditions.

Secondly
, having
been injected
several times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
eventually
possess immune to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. As an outcome,
even though
investigations bear satisfying fruits, no one can assure that how those medications
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on an individual's at best, and at worst these can lead the public to suffer
further
problems,
namely
cardiovascular diseases or even obesity.
Moreover
, I opine that it would be completely unacceptable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
rights, while
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "subject".
subject matter
experts themselves are trying to preserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from extinction and restore the precious fauna.
In conclusion
, although the fact that carrying out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
based
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
on wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
has been the most common way to introduce new medications to the public, I consider it
rather
biased and prejudiced opinion as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
play an essential part in the ecological chain.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that tests of drugs on animals should be carried out as this would improve public health. v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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