Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you children should be encouraged to think focus on art rather than other subjects? v.4

Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you children should be encouraged to think focus on art rather than other subjects? v. 4
It is commonly believed that art plays a fundamental role in society as artists are able to express their thoughts and their culture in their work. In my opinion, children should definitely learn art because they can develop creativity and learn to express themselves in their art work but it should not be taught to the detriment of other subjects. Firstly, art is an essential subject which children, especially young children, should learn in order to help promote their creativity and imagination. Without the development of imagination and creative thinking, children will struggle to grow into dynamic, individual thinkers when they reach adulthood. Furthermore, some children are particularly gifted in their creative abilities and studying art can help them nurture their talents. Another important advantage for children when practicing art is that it provides a medium through which they can express their emotions and feelings. In other words, young children do not have the linguistic capabilities to put their ideas into language and thus communicate directly. Therefore, by using art, they are able to convey meaning through pictures and symbols. For this reason, many child psychologists often study the art work of children to gain an insight into what they think and feel. Finally, however, regardless of how useful the study of art is for children, this should not result in more focus being placed on art rather than other subjects. Children need to have a balance of all subjects so as to facilitate a healthy development both mentally and physically. Thus, ensuring that there is a healthy balance of art, sciences, languages and physical education in the school syllabus is essential. In conclusion, while art certainly helps a child develop creativity as well as express their thoughts, it should be taught equally alongside all other subjects. A school curriculum should offer balance of subjects.
It is
commonly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
plays a fundamental role in society as artists are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
express
their thoughts and their culture in their work. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should definitely learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can develop creativity and learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
express
themselves in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not
be taught
to the detriment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, should learn in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
promote their creativity and imagination. Without the development of imagination and creative thinking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will struggle to grow into dynamic, individual thinkers when they reach adulthood.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
particularly
gifted in their creative abilities and studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them nurture their talents. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is that it provides a medium through which they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
express
their emotions and feelings.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have the linguistic capabilities to put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
into language and
thus
communicate
directly
.
Therefore
, by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, they are able to convey meaning through pictures and symbols.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
child psychologists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
work of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain an insight into what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and feel.

Finally
,
however
, regardless of how useful the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, this should not result in more focus
being placed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
need to have a balance of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
facilitate a healthy development both mentally and
physically
.
Thus
, ensuring that there is a healthy balance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, sciences, languages and physical education in the school syllabus is essential.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a child develop creativity
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
express
their thoughts, it should
be taught
equally
alongside all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. A school curriculum should offer balance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Art is considered an important part of a society as well as an expression of its culture. Do you think it is important for children to be taught art? Do you children should be encouraged to think focus on art rather than other subjects? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts