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Countries around the world require more and more energy every year for domestic and industrial use. What are the causes of this excessive energy consumption, and how does it affect the environment? v.1

Countries around the world require more and more energy every year for domestic and industrial use. What are the causes of this excessive energy consumption, and how does it affect the environment? v. 1
An increasing concern for many countries around the world is energy use. The causes of this phenomenon are varied and have led to numerous effects on the environment. This essay will outline the reasons why excessive energy consumption is occurring, and discuss the results it can have on the world. Generally speaking, there are two main reasons why the increase in the consumption of energy is happening. The primary cause, without doubt, is the population explosion. For example, in 1900, the world population was estimated to be 1. 6 billion, but today there are more than 7 billion people in the world. The more people there are, the higher the energy requirements will be. Another cause of the growth in energy use is industrialization and the technological revolution. For example, factories use large machines to do the jobs that people used to do, and modern households have a wide range of energy-consuming electronic devices, including mobile phones, water heaters, and washing machines. Perhaps the most serious consequence that the increase in energy consumption has caused is global warming. The burning of fossil fuels leads to an increase in the levels of carbon emissions in the atmosphere, which causes the temperature of the atmosphere to rise. The result of this is rising sea levels, extreme weather, and desertification, which in turn leads to many species of fauna and flora losing their habitat, and being threatened with extinction. One way to solve this issue would be for the governments all around the world to work together to reduce the burning of fossil fuels by investing in renewable energy. If we continue to sweep this problem under the carpet, future generations will need to deal with the consequences.
An increasing concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of this phenomenon
are varied
and have led to numerous effects on the environment. This essay will outline the reasons why excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumption is occurring, and discuss the results it can have on the world.

Generally
speaking, there are two main reasons why the increase in the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is happening. The primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
, without doubt, is the population explosion.
For example
, in 1900, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
population
was estimated
to be 1. 6 billion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
there are more than 7 billion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. The more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
there are, the higher the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
requirements will be. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of the growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is industrialization and the technological revolution.
For example
, factories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
large machines to do the jobs that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do, and modern households have a wide range of energy-consuming electronic devices, including mobile phones, water heaters, and washing machines.

Perhaps the most serious consequence that the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumption has caused is global warming. The burning of fossil fuels leads to an increase in the levels of carbon emissions in the atmosphere, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the temperature of the atmosphere to rise. The result of this is rising sea levels, extreme weather, and desertification, which in turn leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species of fauna and flora losing their habitat, and
being threatened
with extinction.

One way to solve this issue would be for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to work together to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burning of fossil fuels by investing in renewable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. If we continue to sweep this problem under the carpet, future generations will need to deal with the consequences.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Countries around the world require more and more energy every year for domestic and industrial use. What are the causes of this excessive energy consumption, and how does it affect the environment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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