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Some people have argued that videogames are a waste of time, and people should spend their time and money on better hobbies. Compare and contrast the benefits of video games with other hobbies. In your opinion, which is more useful? Why? v.2

Some people have argued that videogames are a waste of time, and people should spend their time and money on better hobbies. Compare and contrast the benefits of video games with other hobbies. In your opinion, which is more useful? Why? v. 2
An increasing number of people believes that video games are a waste of time and money, and they suggest that people should find other better hobbies. This essay will argue that video games not only cause several problems, but also in some cases, they have some benefits. The relevant aspect of that is related to healthy problems caused by video games. This kind of problems are increasingly frequent in the life of people who play video games for a long time because when you play video games, you don’t have physical activity like when you play sports, as basket or fencing. By contrast, the majority of other hobbies allow you to move your body, an as a result you can avoid heart diseases. However, with regard to social aspects, video games have more benefits. If gamers play online, they could know other people around the world. As a result, they could be part of the community of that video game, they would interact with other gamers. Furthermore, they could improve their ability to work as a team. On the other hand, in other hobbies, the interaction with others isn’t required, like reading, collecting, and writing novels too. In conclusion, many researches display that the faults of video game are more than benefits. Even if you can improve your ability to be part of a community thanks to playing video games, in general the weaknesses outweigh the benefits. Hopefully, all video games should be programmed with several automatic pauses during the game each hour, as the researchers have demonstrated.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are a waste of time and money, and they suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
better hobbies. This essay will argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause several problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.

The relevant aspect of that
is related
to healthy problems caused by
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video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This kind of problems are
increasingly
frequent in the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for a long time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, you don’t have physical activity like when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
sports, as basket or fencing. By contrast, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hobbies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
your body, an
as a result
you can avoid heart diseases.

However
, with regard to social aspects,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have more benefits. If gamers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
online, they could know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.
As a result
, they could be part of the community of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game, they would interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
gamers.
Furthermore
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their ability to work as a team. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hobbies, the interaction with others isn’t required, like reading, collecting, and writing novels too.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researches display that the faults of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game are more than benefits. Even if you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your ability to be part of a community thanks to playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
in general
the weaknesses outweigh the benefits.
Hopefully
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
be programmed
with several automatic pauses during the game each hour, as the researchers have demonstrated.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people have argued that videogames are a waste of time, and people should spend their time and money on better hobbies. Compare and contrast the benefits of video games with other hobbies. In your opinion, which is more useful? Why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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