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Advances in technology & automation have reduced the need for manual labor. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.1

Advances in technology & automation have reduced the need for manual labor. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. with this opinion. v. 1
With the advent of technology and automation has impacted human life significantly. Irrefutable to say that technology has brought a convincing and a considerable change in reducing the physical employment and labor extensive jobs. this thorny issue has raised a bone of contention. however, I radically agree with the stated statement. Firstly, in this computerized and digitized era, technology has replaced all the labor-intensive jobs and owing to this error occurrences has reduced considerably. For instance, in earlier days, bankers were supposed to make manual entries for all the transactions before one could leave for the day. however, this is not anymore an existing story. Every bank has now upgraded to a software which calculates all the entries with just a single click. Moreover, in the pre-compute era, the cashier had to work manually and check ledger books, verify a person’s identity before paying him. Hence, reduction in working errors seems quite logical. Secondly, less working hours means more productivity which in turn, means working more efficiently which results in a good work-life balance. A good work life balance means one can get some free time with his family and can have leisure time to enjoy or to support his family financially. For instance, in a survey recently conducted by the Economic times, people now a days are enjoying their family time as compared to people who worked in pre-computer era. To sum up, technology and automation has influenced a human life drastically but in a positive manner since it has helped in working more proficiently and reducing the human errors. Also, it helps company in retaining its better performing employees who can generate more output.
With the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and automation has impacted human life
significantly
. Irrefutable to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has brought a convincing and a considerable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in reducing the physical employment and labor extensive jobs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
thorny issue has raised a bone of contention.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, I
radically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the stated statement.

Firstly
, in this computerized and digitized era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has replaced all the labor-intensive jobs and owing to this error occurrences has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
considerably
.
For instance
, in earlier days, bankers
were supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
manual entries for all the transactions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
one could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for the day.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, this is not anymore an existing story. Every bank has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
upgraded to a software which calculates all the entries with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a single click.
Moreover
, in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-compute
era, the cashier had to work
manually
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
ledger books, verify a person’s identity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
paying him.
Hence
, reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
errors seems quite logical.

Secondly
, less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours means more productivity which in turn, means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more
efficiently
which results in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work-life balance. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance means one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with his family and can have leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy or to support his family
financially
.
For instance
, in a survey recently conducted by the Economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
are enjoying their family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who worked in
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-computer
era.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and automation has influenced a human life
drastically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
manner since it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more
proficiently
and reducing the human errors.
Also
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in retaining its better performing employees who can generate more output.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Advances in technology & automation have reduced the need for manual labor. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. with this opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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