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Around the world, it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children Will study from home as computer technology becomes cheap and more accessible. Do you think it is a negative or positive development? v.6

Around the world, it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children Will study from home as computer technology becomes cheap and more accessible. Do you think it is a negative or positive development? v. 6
It is being assumed that a large number of adults and children in various parts of the world will prefer home-based education and working due to having inexpensive and handy computer technology. In my opinion, this development would have negative effects on the professional abilities of people and nurturing of skills of children. One main problem that can arise from in-house working is that, workers will have a less favourable working environment for their skill to thrive. For instance, being employed in an organisation, people often experience face to face interaction with their colleagues, which is imperative for their better social life style. This will helps them to polish their professional skills by indulging themselves into various training workshops held by the companies they are working for. However, working from home would be ineffective in creating an environment for an adult worker to progress in the field. Another point to consider is that home-schooling would offer only a limited benefit to students, but its negative effects are long lasting. To illustrate, children studying at school will have several advantages such as, it provides an opportunity to improve their cognitive and communication skills, while having daily interaction with the peers and teachers. Hence, children will be able to develop confidence and self-esteem which is crucial for their working career. In other words, staying at home will usually make them an introvert and also, they will require more time in the future to get settled in their professional life. In conclusion, having cheaper and easy access to virtual technology, more adults and children are expected to be staying at home for the purpose of studying and working all over the globe. In my view, this type if development has brought about many negative effects to be considered it as a positive trend.
It is
being assumed
that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
adults and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in various parts of the world will prefer home-based education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
due to having inexpensive and handy computer technology. In my opinion, this development would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the professional abilities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and nurturing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of children.

One main problem that can arise from in-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is that, workers will have a less
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to thrive.
For instance
,
being employed
in an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
experience face to face interaction with their colleagues, which is imperative for their better social life style. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to polish their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by indulging themselves into various training workshops held by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home would be ineffective in creating an environment for an adult worker to progress in the field.

Another point to consider is that home-schooling would offer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a limited benefit to students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
studying at school will have several advantages such as, it provides an opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their cognitive and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, while having daily interaction with the peers and teachers.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be able to develop confidence and self-esteem which is crucial for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
career.
In other words
, staying at home will
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them an introvert and
also
, they will require more time in the future to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
settled in their professional life.

In conclusion
, having cheaper and easy access to virtual technology, more adults and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be staying at home for the purpose of studying and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
all over the globe.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my view, this type if development has brought about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects to
be considered
it as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Around the world, it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children Will study from home as computer technology becomes cheap and more accessible. Do you think it is a negative or positive development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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