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Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children will study from home as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. Do you think it is negative or a positive development? v.1

Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children will study from home as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. Do you think it is negative or a positive development? v. 1
Due to computer technology become more affordable the vast majority of adults will work on a distance and the same as students will study from home all over the world. In my opinion, I believe that there are some benefits if that kind of privileges are limited. However, permitting work in a distance cause a lot of problems for society and this option can destroy communication between people. Nowadays, with the advancement of technology, there are varied opportunities in many sectors to use that technology for getting benefits. Work and study have numerous developments where their can reach good results. In my point of view, I believe that such kind of privilege should be used only for people with disabilities, people who has struggled to coming to the office every time, people who has deceased. The companies have to go out to a meeting and organize all things, conditions if the person willing to work. Moreover, that kind of initiate will increase the workforce and gives the mental strength to the disabled community that they are not alone and life is not ended. Nevertheless, working in distance should be limited in work and study sectors. Because these people will interrupted at home by someone throughout the days. Hence, productivity will get down moderately over and over. Although, we are all humans and we all like good condition and comfort zone. These conditions should be caused laziness. Whatever the situation is, people should be part of society and have to communicate with others. In conclusion, it is clearly evident that computer technology is growing and not using them will be silly. Consequently, computer technology can be used for both sector work and study, but with some requirement and criteria.
Due to computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
become more affordable the vast majority of adults will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on a distance and the same as students will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
from home all over the world. In my opinion, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits if that kind of privileges
are limited
.
However
, permitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a distance cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems for society and this option can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
communication between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Nowadays, with the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, there
are varied
opportunities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
for getting benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
have numerous developments where their can reach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results. In my point of view, I believe that such kind of privilege should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with disabilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
has
struggled to coming to the office every time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
has
deceased. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go out to a meeting and organize all things, conditions if the person willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Moreover
, that kind of initiate will increase the workforce and gives the mental strength to the disabled community that they are not alone and life is not ended.

Nevertheless
, working in distance should
be limited
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
sectors.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will interrupted at home by someone throughout the days.
Hence
, productivity will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
down
moderately
over and over. Although, we are all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
humans and
we all like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition and comfort zone. These conditions should
be caused
laziness. Whatever the situation is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be part of society and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
communicate with others.

In conclusion
, it is
clearly
evident that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is growing and not using them will be silly.
Consequently
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for both sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
requirement and criteria.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children will study from home as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. Do you think it is negative or a positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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