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Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children will study from home as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible Do you think it is a negative or a positive development v.3

Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children will study from home as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible Do you think it is a negative or a positive development v. 3
A very famous saying "Work is worship". It is said that the motive of each and every person from a professional world should be concentrating on the tasks given to them and not to form good relations with his colleagues. I support this claim to a large extent despite of some flaws. My position is argued further with explanations. In all the organizations, employees are being paid for their work. This is because they are hired to make the company earn a profit and this will only happen when all the employees focus on their given task seriously. If a person is paid salary for the completion of tasks given to him, his main responsibility is to complete them with an utmost attention. For example, a 2018 study from Cambridge University showed that 65% of employees prefer to focus on their job rather than maintaining relationships at the workplace. As a result, the chances of getting promoted will be higher. However, keeping good relationships at workplace sometimes give refreshment. This is because no employees are capable of working only without spending some hours for refreshment. To keep oneself rejuvenated after a hectic schedule, it is also necessary to spend time with your colleagues. For example, an article published in Times of India showed that 60% of employees who work enthusiastically during working hours used to spend some time with their co-worker to revitalize themselves. Overall, employees should spend time together to feel relaxed, but it should outweigh the fact that the priority should be given to your work. In the summary, it can be stated that the idea of concentrating on the tasks should be given utmost importance than keeping good relations with fellow-workers.
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
saying
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Work is worship
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. It
is said
that the motive of each and every person from a professional world should be concentrating on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them and not to form
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relations with his colleagues. I support this claim to a large extent
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
flaws. My position
is argued
further
with explanations.

In all the organizations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
being paid
for their work. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are hired
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
earn a profit and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
happen when all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
focus on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
task
seriously
. If a person
is paid
salary for the completion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to him, his main responsibility is to complete them with an utmost attention.
For example
, a 2018 study from Cambridge University
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
prefer to focus on their job
rather
than maintaining relationships at the workplace.
As a result
, the chances of getting promoted will be higher.

However
, keeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationships at workplace
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
give refreshment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are capable of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
without spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hours for refreshment. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
oneself rejuvenated after a hectic schedule, it is
also
necessary to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with your colleagues.
For example
, an article published in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who work
enthusiastically
during working hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their co-worker to revitalize themselves.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together to feel relaxed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should outweigh the fact that the priority should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to your work.

In the summary, it can
be stated
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of concentrating on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tasks
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
utmost importance than keeping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relations with fellow-workers.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home and more children will study from home as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible Do you think it is a negative or a positive development v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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