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Reading comics only rot the children's mind than to provide any good education. How far do you agree/disagree with this? v.2

Reading comics only rot the children's mind than to provide any good education. How far do you agree/disagree with this? v. 2
Over the years, comics have been the best way to the refreshment for children/s brain. It is often considered that reading these types of books will make the brain of a child rotten while some contend with this and think it is a good source of intellect. To commence with, reading the comic books has a dark side like it will brainwash the child's mentality to believe in unrealistic power and supernatural phenomenon. In other words, this will make the kids' conscious to trust in impractical things. Moreover, they will be far away from the world's reality. Consequently, these books will hamper the education of kids and feed their minds with useless information. However, these books help the children to get good knowledge as long as the comics are managed to have the proper animation and content related to education which in turn provides a good education with entertainment. Furthermore, kids can enhance their understanding. For example, alphabets and scientific facts included in a book make up their minds in a better way. Similarly, books about the history and lifestyle of humanity help them to understand the civilization. That's why comics might be the better way to develop knowledge and feed good information in a child's brain. In conclusion, despite harming effect on a child's mind, comic books can provide a good education if the materials of books are properly managed. In my view, comic books can be created in such a way that they can provide both entertainment and knowledge without unrealistic materials.
Over the years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comics
have been the best way to the refreshment for children/s brain. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered that reading these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the brain of a child rotten while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contend with this and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
source of intellect.

To commence with, reading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
has a dark side like it will brainwash the child's mentality to believe in unrealistic power and supernatural phenomenon.
In other words
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the kids' conscious to trust in impractical things.
Moreover
, they will be far away from the world's reality.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
will hamper the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of kids and feed their minds with useless information.

However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
knowledge as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comics
are managed
to have the proper animation and content related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which in turn provides a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with entertainment.
Furthermore
, kids can enhance their understanding.
For example
, alphabets and scientific facts included in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up their minds in a better way.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
about the history and lifestyle of humanity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand the civilization. That's why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comics
might be the better way to develop knowledge and feed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
information in a child's brain.

In conclusion
, despite harming effect on a child's mind,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
if the materials of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
properly
managed. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
can
be created
in such a way that they can provide both entertainment and knowledge without unrealistic materials.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Reading comics only rot the children's mind than to provide any good education. How far do you agree/disagree with this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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