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Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home, and more children will study from home, as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this will be a positive or negative development? v.5

Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home, and more children will study from home, as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this will be a positive or negative development? v. 5
It is well-known fact that living in the contemporary society, the modern technologies become affordable and more available. As a result a great number of families choose work in a distance on par with home study for their children. I deeply convinced that this development represents a wide range of benefits for individuals. From one point of view, working in a distance permit people to get an international experience in big world companies. For example, nowadays the majority of designers, software developers work using the Internet. Working online gives you more flexibility. Thanks to modern technologies they can live wherever they want and pay more attention to their families. Moreover homework excludes unnecessary waste of time and money on transport and minimize the stress consequences of workplace. From another perspective, the tendency like home study gain popularity due to the multiple advantages. For instance, online education represents a variety of programs, courses and teachers. The online student can take an English course from a teacher in England. By studying online, you choose your own learning program which will be constructed for you. The individual system working best for your needs. Furthermore, online courses give students the opportunity to plan study time, they can easily reconcile their education and work. In conclusion, taking into account all above mentioned benefits I totally argue that there are more advantages of working or studying thanks to the laptop. One should add that the Internet creates new opportunities for handicapped people to have a normal life with relevant job and appropriate education.
It is well-known fact that living in the contemporary society, the modern technologies become affordable and more available.
As a result
a great number of families choose work in a distance on par with home study for their children. I
deeply
convinced that this development represents a wide range of benefits for individuals.

From one point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in a distance permit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an international experience in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For example
, nowadays the majority of designers, software developers work using the Internet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
gives you more flexibility. Thanks to modern technologies they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
wherever they want and pay more attention to their families.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
homework excludes unnecessary waste of time and money on transport and minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
consequences of workplace.

From another perspective, the tendency like home study gain popularity due to the multiple advantages.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
education represents a variety of programs, courses and teachers. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
student can take an English course from a teacher in England. By studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, you choose your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
learning program which will
be constructed
for you. The individual system
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
best for your needs.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses give students the opportunity to plan study time, they can
easily
reconcile their education and work.

In conclusion
, taking into account all above mentioned benefits I
totally
argue that there are more advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or studying thanks to the laptop. One should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
that the Internet creates new opportunities for handicapped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have a normal life with relevant job and appropriate education.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home, and more children will study from home, as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this will be a positive or negative development? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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