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Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home, and more children will study from home, as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this will be a positive or negative development? v.2

Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home, and more children will study from home, as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this will be a positive or negative development? v. 2
In the recent time there has been much debate about two serious issues, which are working from home using the internet and home schooling. While some people believe that working and studying using online platforms saves time and money, others think that it has a negative impact on the society. I am of the belief that depending on the internet in the essential life has its drawbacks and in this essay the reasons will be explained. To commence with, there are many professions that depend on the human, which will be impossible to do them online. For example, doctors should examine the patients using their own tools to determine what are their medical problems. Moreover, if everyone works from home, drivers will lose their jobs because there are no employers in the street; unemployment will increase gradually. That is why some citizens claim that working from home will affect negatively on the society. Additionally, there are some parents who say that homeschooling has its negative effect on their offspring, because it does not develop their communication skills, while going to their schools and meeting their friends will improve their interpersonal skills. This can be witnessed by the students who meet each other can communicate easily rather than those who stay at home. While the online materials are cheaper than hard copy ones, but in will affect on the children's intellects. In conclusion, after this essay has shown the negative reasons of online education and working, it is important to concentrate on experiencing the teachers to raise an amazing future generation. It is believed that the internet has become dangerous to the society.
In the recent time there has been much debate about two serious issues, which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home using the internet and
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and studying using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
platforms saves time and money, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society. I am of the belief that depending on the internet in the essential life has its drawbacks and in this essay the reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
.

To commence with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions that depend on the human, which will be impossible to do them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
For example
, doctors should examine the patients using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
tools to determine what are their medical problems.
Moreover
, if everyone works from home, drivers will lose their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are no employers in the street; unemployment will increase
gradually
.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
citizens claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home will affect
negatively
on the society.

Additionally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents who say that homeschooling has its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their offspring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not develop their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, while going to their schools and meeting their friends will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This can
be witnessed
by the students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each other can communicate
easily
rather
than those who stay at home. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
materials are cheaper than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
copy ones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in will
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the children's intellects.

In conclusion
, after this essay has shown the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to concentrate on experiencing the teachers to raise an amazing future generation. It
is believed
that the internet has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to the society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Around the world it is likely that more adults will work from home, and more children will study from home, as computer technology becomes cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this will be a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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