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Argument show that it is better to own your business than to work for someone else v.1

Argument show that it is better to own your business than to work for someone else v. 1
Usually, people prefer to keep working for someone else instead of taking a step and starting their own businesses. I strongly believe that it is better to own your business than to work for someone else. Opponents of this position have two basic objections, primarily that starting a business is too risky and, secondly, that working for someone else provides you a stable income. As for risk, owning your business won’t be too risky if you planned it properly and studied it closely. As for income, as a business owner, you will have a higher income than a fixed monthly salary which also can secure your financial future, not to mention the fact that you may bring millions to your employer and still get the same salary. Owning a business has more job safety. Since you are your own boss, you can’t get fired. According to research from Willis Towers Watson, more than 25% of employees are in high- retention-risk which means that there is a big possibility for them to lose their jobs so owning your business will be safer. Being self-employed increases your productivity as a result of having a passion for your job. The story behind establishing most successful businesses emphasizes this idea. For instance, Anita Riddock, who was one of the most successful businesswomen, was the founder of The Body Shop. She grew up in difficult financial situations and worked as a newspaper seller and as a teacher until she noticed her passion for natural skincare and decided to start her own business. Subsequently, she started making her own natural skincare products and selling them in her small shop. Her small business kept growing more and more and now The Body Shop branches are all over the world. To conclude, it is clear that owning your business has more benefits than working for someone else. Carefully studied business is not too risky and it can provide you a higher income. Furthermore, as a business owner, you have more job safety since you are your own boss and more productivity since you are passionate about your job. For these reasons, I strongly believe that you must take a step forward and start your own business.
Usually
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
else
instead
of taking a step and starting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
. I
strongly
believe that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
than to work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
else.

Opponents of this position have two basic objections,
primarily
that starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is too risky and,
secondly
, that working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
else provides you a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. As for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, owning your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
won’t be too risky if you planned it
properly
and studied it
closely
. As for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owner, you will have a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
than a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
monthly salary which
also
can secure your financial future, not to mention the fact that you may bring millions to your employer and
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the same salary.

Owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
safety. Since you are your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
boss, you can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fired. According to research from Willis Towers Watson, more than 25% of employees are in high- retention-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
which means that there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
possibility for them to lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
owning your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will be safer.

Being self-employed increases your productivity
as a result
of having a passion for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. The story behind establishing most successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
emphasizes this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
For instance
, Anita
Possible spelling mistake found.
Riddock
, who was one of the most successful businesswomen, was the founder of The Body Shop. She grew up in difficult financial situations and worked as a newspaper seller and as a teacher until she noticed her passion for natural skincare and decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Subsequently
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
making her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
natural skincare products and selling them in her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
shop. Her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
growing more and more and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
The Body Shop branches are all over the world.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that owning your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
has more benefits than working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
else.
Carefully
studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is not too risky and it can provide you a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
Furthermore
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owner, you have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
safety since you are your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
boss and more productivity since you are passionate about your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. For these reasons, I
strongly
believe that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take a step forward and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Argument show that it is better to own your business than to work for someone else v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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