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Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think that it is good thing, while others think that it has disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think that it is good thing, while others think that it has disadvantages. v. 3
Some multinational companies sponsor major sports events in order to advertise their products. Some people have positive opinion about this, while others believe that there are certain downsides to this. In my opinion, when multinational company's promoter sporting events, it is advantageous for them and the sports. When big companies sponsor sports events, both the parties benefit. Sports events are promoted and people will be motivated to participate in various sports activities. In addition to this, talented youngsters may get inspired by the fame and money that accomplished players get and will want to pursue a career in sports. By showing their advertisements during these events, companies which sponsor they can reach more consumers. Thus organizations will get more profit. Many firms such as Airtel, Idea and Pepsi funded many sports competitions and this enhanced their publicity. On the other hand, there are also certain drawbacks to this. It may deflect the attention of people from sports to their products. In addition, when ads are shown during sporting events, they may dampen the spirit and enthusiasm of the spectators. Hence it may not arouse the real sports spirit in people. In conclusion, even though product adverts distract viewers of sports competitions to a small extent, sports events are promoted to a great extent during these competitions which are sponsored by big multinational firms. So it is good that sports events are sponsored by big organizations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
sponsor major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in order to advertise their products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
opinion about this, while others believe that there are certain downsides to this. In my opinion, when multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's promoter sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, it is advantageous for them and the sports.

When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
sponsor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, both the parties benefit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are promoted
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be motivated
to participate in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities.
In addition
to this, talented youngsters may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired by the fame and money that accomplished players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
and will want to pursue a career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. By showing their advertisements during these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which sponsor they can reach more consumers.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
organizations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more profit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
firms such as Airtel,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Idea
and Pepsi funded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions and this enhanced their publicity.

On the other hand
, there are
also
certain drawbacks to this. It may deflect the attention of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to their products.
In addition
, when ads
are shown
during sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, they may dampen the spirit and enthusiasm of the spectators.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it may not arouse the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
spirit in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
,
even though
product adverts distract viewers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
extent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are promoted
to a great extent during these competitions which
are sponsored
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
multinational firms.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are sponsored
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
organizations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think that it is good thing, while others think that it has disadvantages. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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