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All too often, companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary. Write a response in which you discu v.1

All too often, companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary. Write a response in which you discu v. 1
Education has been evolving by leaps and bounds and providing students new avenues while keeping themselves updated with the need of working industries. Therefore, a fair amount of people believe, schools should focus on important subjects such as computer and science. In my opinion, music also plays a crucial part in children's development and this essay will explain why. First of all, music is an art, but also a science, which is why it is important for children to learn this subject at school. It requires a skill to understand the theory, and a creativity to apply and to produce the art. The example for this is the vast amount of musical scales and how artists apply these theories to compose a song. Secondly, studies also proven that by learning music, it increases the children's cognitive ability. Students who are practicing in music are often found equally proficient in other subjects like computer and science. A good example of this is the music theory itself, where one require to calculate the movements of the keys ahead while playing an instrument. This activity trains the agility of one's mind and at the same time, increase the cognitive skills. Lastly, music is also a career path where for some is a passion. Similarly to computer and science, music, today, there are people who work in the music industry. This is supported by many musical academies today and they are as good as those IT or science schools. Berkley, for instance, a renounce university who specialized in preparing its student to work in the music industry. To conclude, while computer and science are required by the industry today, I believe music plays an important role to boost student's cognitive skills as well as one's passion if being taught in the schools. Given the above, I recommend for education authority to include music to be part of the education curriculum.
Education has been evolving by leaps and bounds and providing students new avenues while keeping themselves updated with the need of working industries.
Therefore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should focus on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects such as computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
plays a crucial part in children's development and this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an art,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, which is why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for children to learn this subject at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. It requires a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to understand the theory, and a creativity to apply and to produce the art. The example for this is the vast amount of musical scales and how artists apply these theories to compose a song.

Secondly
, studies
also
proven that by learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it increases the children's cognitive ability. Students who are practicing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found
equally
proficient in other subjects like computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
theory itself, where one require to calculate the movements of the keys ahead while playing an instrument. This activity trains the agility of one's mind and at the same time, increase the cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
also
a career path where for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
is a passion.
Similarly
to computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry. This
is supported
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
musical academies
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
today and
they are as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as those IT or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Berkley,
for instance
,
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'renounce' is correct. If 'renounce' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a renounce
university who specialized in preparing its student to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
industry.

To conclude
, while computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
are required
by the industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to boost student's cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as one's passion if
being taught
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the above, I recommend for education authority to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to be part of the education curriculum.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay All too often, companies hire outside consultants to suggest ways for the company to operate more efficiently. If companies were to spend more time listening to their own employees, such consultants would be unnecessary. Write a response in which you discu v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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