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Animals are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animals, which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Animals are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animals, which are useful to humans. v. 2
In the modern world, although many people concern about reducing the number of wild animals, others feel that the humankind only need a few types of animals for their purposes. In this reason, they are not willing to assist some types of them. However, personally, I believe that individuals should assist the wildlife as much as they can. The first reason why some people reckon to think that individuals should prevent all types of animals from becoming extinct is biodiversity. Nowadays, it is true that in order to develop a natural balance between the surrounding world and reproduction, the people should pay their attention to all animals. Furthermore, if they control the animals’ population, they can damage to the flora and fauna. For instance, in order to keep certain types of species, others can be damaged. To illustrate, rabbits’ extinction can lead to the wolves’ extinction. On the other hand, it is clear that many people are willing to domesticate some species in order to save their natural reproduction. To some extent, this can solve many problems, such as meat and milk production. Moreover, people can really save some specious, and then, they can utilize these animals for their purposes. For example, horses and cows are very popular. In addition, this commercial suggestion can save a plethora of animals’ life. Accordingly, they will get a chance to reproduce in the future. In conclusion, although many people are willing to save only some specious, others believe that individuals should not damage the natural balance. Furthermore, these activities should not bring a tragedy for other animals.
In the modern world, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concern about reducing the number of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, others feel that the humankind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their purposes. In this reason, they are not willing to assist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of them.
However
,
personally
, I believe that individuals should assist the wildlife as much as they can.

The
first
reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that individuals should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
from becoming extinct is biodiversity. Nowadays, it is true that in order to develop a natural balance between the surrounding world and reproduction, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should pay their attention to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Furthermore
, if they control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
population, they can damage to the flora and fauna.
For instance
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of species, others can
be damaged
. To illustrate, rabbits’ extinction can lead to the wolves’ extinction.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to domesticate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
species in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
their natural reproduction. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, this can solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems, such as meat and milk production.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specious, and then, they can utilize these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their purposes.
For example
, horses and cows are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular.
In addition
, this commercial suggestion can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
life.
Accordingly
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to reproduce in the future.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specious, others believe that individuals should not damage the natural balance.
Furthermore
, these activities should not bring a tragedy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Animals are in danger of extinctions. Some people say we should protect only those animals, which are useful to humans. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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