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An increasing trend nowadays is for young adults to play computer games. some people say this is negative development. Discuss and give your opinion. v.2

An increasing trend nowadays is for young adults to play computer games. some people say this is negative development. Discuss and give your opinion. v. 2
Nowadays there is an increasing trend among youngsters who play computer games. Some people believe that this will have a negative impact on young people. I completely disagree with the notion and I believe that playing games improves them personally, professionally, and academically. Firstly, young people who are involved in playing games, will improve their skills and it also makes them to enhance their creative skills, which in turn future makes them a young gaming software developer or an entrepreneur. Besides, it reduces their stress levels and gives refreshment to mind. Secondly, it makes them grow academically, for instance, in schools or colleges the E- learning classes are becoming a more easy way of learning the concepts for students, so the students who are proficient with the electronic brain skills will be more advantageous, because they can understand the E-learning classes quickly and also search the information online speedy and become a quick learner compared to adults who have less access to Artificial intelligence. Thirdly, professionally now a days every company will be given first preference to adults who have good computer skills for providing a job, rather than compared to who are less efficient in it. On the other hand, young people who spend more on playing the computer games will waste their precious time and spoil their career. However, if the time spent on playing the games is less than they can overcome the negativities and as a result, they can concentrate on their work as well as playing games. To sum up, I believe The negative impacts are less compared to the pros of playing the games. It helps them to come up in life personally, Professionally, and academically.
Nowadays there is an increasing trend among youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I completely disagree with the notion and I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
them
personally
,
professionally
, and
academically
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to enhance their creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, which in turn future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
gaming software developer or an entrepreneur.
Besides
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
levels and gives refreshment to mind.

Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them grow
academically
,
for instance
, in schools or colleges the E- learning classes are becoming a more easy way of learning the concepts for students,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are proficient with the electronic brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will be more advantageous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can understand the E-learning classes
quickly
and
also
search the information online speedy and become a quick learner compared to adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
access to Artificial intelligence.

Thirdly
,
professionally
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
first
preference to adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for providing a job,
rather
than compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
efficient in it.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will waste their precious time and spoil their career.
However
, if the time spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than they can overcome the negativities and
as a result
, they can concentrate on their work
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
games.

To sum up, I believe The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
compared to the pros of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up in life
personally
,
Professionally
, and
academically
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing trend nowadays is for young adults to play computer games. some people say this is negative development. Discuss and give your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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