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An increasing trend nowadays is for young adults to play computer games. some people say this is negative development. Discuss and give your opinion v.1

An increasing trend nowadays is for young adults to play computer games. some people say this is negative development. Discuss and give your opinion v. 1
In the recent decades, there has been a burgeoning phenomenon witnessed among the youth relying on excessive online games. Certain sections of masses believes it has various detrimental effects on the overall development. However, I to a great extent have a balanced opinion for this notion. Nowadays, as the desktops are cheaply available in the market, everyone can purchase it. This in turn stimulates children to indulge in games over the Internet. These are so addictive in nature that youngsters spend most of the time sitting and playing. Consequently, it is impacting their eyesights and putting strain on their back. Moreover, they are getting deducted from family members by not actively participating in discussions. Recent researches have also indicated that online compute games like arcade and puzzle solving have proven to enhance the overall cognitive development of juveniles. Higher education students find virtual games as stress busters that assist them in recharging their minds. To illustrate, Microsoft play store is investing in huge amounts to invent brain games as it is in high demand among people of age group between 15-25 years According to my perspective, computer games can help in escalating reasoning power of the brain by expanding its development through numerous mind-challenging games. But, relying intensively on such games in turn causes problems like insomnia and muscle stiffness at a very tender age. To conclude, although playing video games can be a great source of entertainment and developing mental strength, but, if not indulged in consideration can cause acute addiction for a longer period of time. Therefore, hampering body structures of young adults
In the recent decades, there has been a burgeoning phenomenon witnessed among the youth relying on excessive online
games
. Certain sections of masses believes it has various detrimental effects on the
overall
development.
However
, I to a great extent have a balanced opinion for this notion.

Nowadays, as the desktops are
cheaply
available in the market, everyone can
purchase
it. This in turn stimulates children to indulge in
games
over the Internet. These are
so
addictive in nature that youngsters spend most of the time sitting and playing.
Consequently
, it is impacting their
eyesights
and putting strain on their back.
Moreover
, they are getting deducted from family members by not
actively
participating in discussions.

Recent researches have
also
indicated that online compute
games
like arcade and puzzle solving have proven to enhance the
overall
cognitive development of juveniles. Higher education students find virtual
games
as
stress
busters that assist them in recharging their minds. To illustrate, Microsoft play store is investing in huge amounts to invent brain
games
as it is in high demand among
people
of age group between 15-25
years


According to my perspective, computer
games
can
help
in escalating reasoning power of the brain by expanding its development through numerous mind-challenging
games
.
But
, relying
intensively
on such
games
in turn causes problems like insomnia and muscle stiffness at a
very
tender age.

To conclude
, although playing video
games
can be a great source of entertainment and developing mental strength,
but
, if not indulged in consideration can cause acute addiction for a longer period of time.
Therefore
, hampering body structures of young adults
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing trend nowadays is for young adults to play computer games. some people say this is negative development. Discuss and give your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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