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An increasing number of students choose to go to another country for their education. Do you think the benefits outweigh the problems associated with it? v.1

An increasing number of students choose to go to another country for their education. Do you think the benefits outweigh the problems associated with it? v. 1
Modern advancements have altered the way we communicate with one another. This essay will discuss how we can now form bonds with people all over the world, and this is a very welcome development. For the first time in human history, people can communicate with someone they have never met before, in a country they have never been to, through the internet. These may not be the same kind of friendships we traditionally form face-to-face, but it is hard to dispute that they are not ‘relationships’. Social media, such as Facebook and Instagram, provide a platform that allows us to chat and comment on someone else’s life instantaneously. For example, there are now IELTS groups on Facebook where students can help and support each other by providing helpful resources and feedback on essays. Overall, this new phenomenon has great benefits, principally encouraging tolerance of other cultures. Before computers we hardly ever came across someone from another culture, let alone people from a myriad of different places in one Facebook group. This has led to people understanding that we are all mostly the same and you should not judge someone because they were born in a different place. For example, thousands of Palestinians and Israelis have joined the same online groups that show support for peace and solidarity, something that would not have been possible 25 years ago. In conclusion, the web has changed our interactions forever, making the world a global village where people can freely chat and form lasting connections. Moreover, this essay only sees this as a good thing that will continue to bring citizens of the world together.
Modern advancements have altered the way we communicate with one another. This essay will discuss how we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
form bonds with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the world, and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
welcome development.

For the
first
time in human history,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
they have never met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, in a country they have never been to, through the internet. These may not be the same kind of friendships we
traditionally
form face-to-face,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to dispute that they are not ‘relationships’. Social media, such as Facebook and Instagram, provide a platform that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to chat and comment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
else’s life
instantaneously
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
IELTS groups on Facebook where students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and support each other by providing helpful resources and feedback on essays.

Overall
, this new phenomenon has great benefits,
principally
encouraging tolerance of other cultures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
The comma is probably missing here: "computers, we".
computers we
hardly ever came across
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
from another culture,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from a myriad of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places in one Facebook group. This has led to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understanding that we are all
mostly
the same and you should not judge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
were born
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place.
For example
, thousands of Palestinians and Israelis have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the same online groups that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
support for peace and solidarity, something that would not have been possible 25 years ago.

In conclusion
, the web has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our interactions forever, making the world a global village where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
freely
chat and form lasting connections.
Moreover
, this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
this as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing that will continue to bring citizens of the world together.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay An increasing number of students choose to go to another country for their education. Do you think the benefits outweigh the problems associated with it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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