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Talk about an activity you enjoyed doing with your family when you were a child. Describe the activity and explain why it was enjoyable to do this activity with your family. v.1

Talk about an activity you enjoyed doing with your family when you were a child. Describe the activity and explain why it was enjoyable to do this activity with your family. v. 1
A visible change due to the advancement of technology to the human civilization is the Internet. It has revolutionized our way of living. In this essay, I will discuss how this technology has a positive impact on our daily life and also I will outline few negative aspect as well. The internet is a boom in this modern ultra-advance world. From the uncertain era, where our ancestors used to live in fear of darkness and predators, in this era where almost everything can be done by just a click of a button on a cell phone. The internet has played a vital role to boost our way of living. For instance, social media have connected us with all our friends around the globe. In addition to this, the education sector has been significantly boosted with the internet. Students now have more options to study from a range of online courses and study material available online. Besides, every comfort comes with a price. The revolution in this technology has significantly increased the number of cybercrimes. The online data theft has become more severe and there are instances where we have seen online frauds all over the world done by hackers. The government needs to implement some laws which will enhance the protection each time user go online to perform any transactions. The consumer data need to be protected and IT security needs to be more advanced. Several agencies should be made more efficient to safeguard the user information. To conclude, the benefits of the internet and education outweighs all its drawbacks, such as cybercrime. Overall, the influence of the internet to our life has more positive impact than negative.
A visible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
due to the advancement of technology to the human civilization is the Internet. It has revolutionized our way of living. In this essay, I will discuss how this technology has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on our daily life and
also
I will outline few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect
as well
.

The internet is a boom in this modern ultra-advance world. From the uncertain era, where our ancestors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in fear of darkness and predators, in this era where almost everything can
be done
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click of a button on a cell phone. The internet has played a vital role to boost our way of living.
For instance
, social media have connected us with all our friends around the globe.
In addition
to this, the education sector has been
significantly
boosted with the internet. Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have more options to study from a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
courses and study material available online.

Besides
, every comfort
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a price. The revolution in this technology has
significantly
increased the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
cybercrimes
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
data theft has become more severe and there are instances where we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
frauds all over the world done by hackers.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws which will enhance the protection each time user go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
to perform any transactions.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
consumer data need to
be protected
and IT security needs to be more advanced. Several agencies should
be made
more efficient to safeguard the user information.

To conclude
, the benefits of the internet and education outweighs all its drawbacks, such as cybercrime.
Overall
, the influence of the internet to our life has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Talk about an activity you enjoyed doing with your family when you were a child. Describe the activity and explain why it was enjoyable to do this activity with your family. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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