Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation? v.7

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation? v. 7
In this fast growing world, the professionals, especially the doctors and teachers, are immigrating to the other countries. In my opinion, this happens because their country is poor and unemployment is more, so the professionals have no options to develop themselves. There are a number of solutions to handle this situation. Firstly, the professionals, migrates because the developed countries pay more. In other words, the people want to become rich soon. Secondly, the scholars have less job openings in their country. For example, the India has a lot of educated people, obviously the country is not able to give more salary as well as there are less job openings for the huge population. Hence, last year around 20, 000 people migrated to other countries from the India. Finally, it is also the individual aspiration and dream to work in other countries. There are two main solutions for this situation. On the one hand, the people should work for less salary in their country itself to improve the country's economy. Another option would be, the government has to take multiple steps to solve unemployment, so that the people will get jobs as soon as they complete their education. Additionally, the professionals have a great role to make their country a developed one. In other words, the country's progress depends on the professionals, who can bring new ideas to improve their country. Therefore, the professionals must sacrifice their dreams for the country's development. To conclude, the professionals are the backbone of a country. The country's economic progress is not only in the hands of the government, but also in the hands of the professionals, who can bring up new ideas to improve their country.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
,
especially
the doctors and teachers, are immigrating to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In my opinion, this happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is poor and unemployment is more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
have no options to develop themselves. There are a number of solutions to handle this situation.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, migrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
pay more. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to become rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
Secondly
, the scholars have less job openings in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, the India has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
obviously
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is not able to give more salary
as well
as there are less job openings for the huge population.
Hence
, last year around 20, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
from the India.
Finally
, it is
also
the individual aspiration and dream to work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

There are two main solutions for this situation. On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should work for less salary in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
itself to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
economy. Another option would be, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take multiple steps to solve unemployment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they complete their education.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
have a great role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
a developed one. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
progress depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, who can bring new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
sacrifice their dreams for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
development.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are the backbone of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country's
economic progress is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the hands of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in the hands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, who can bring up new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
23Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts