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An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation? v.17

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation? v. 17
It is undeniably true that, nowadays there has been a tremendous increase in the “brain drain” from underdeveloped countries. The ratio of professionals leaving their poor countries to find jobs in the developed countries is increasing day by day. This causes some serious problems, some of which I would discuss in this essay, along with some suggested solutions. Firstly, with the increasing number of well-educated people leaving their countries, it is the local natives who take the toll. For example, the poor people of the country are deprived of standard education and health benefits, when more and more of the teachers and doctors leave their own people and settle abroad for their own sake. This problem can be addressed, if the government registers the professionals who leave their own countries and compels them to return to their homeland after a defined period, by forming certain rules and regulations and following them strictly. Secondly, it is the development of the countries that is hugely affected by experienced people leaving their countries. For instance, countries like Bangladesh and Pakistan are still considered under-developed even after approximately 70 years of independence. This is because, the talented people in these countries do not prefer to stay and work there due to lack of opportunities and poor working places. This problem can be solved if the administration provides attractive salary packages, improves the standard of the working environment and provides a platform for encouraging the work of the innovative people. To conclude, the mass exodus faced by many under privileged countries has a negative effect not only on the people but also the countries themselves. This deprives the citizens of good teachers, sensible health care workers and expert engineers, ultimately leading to less chance of advancement for these countries.
It is
undeniably
true that, nowadays there has been a tremendous increase in the “brain drain” from underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The ratio of professionals leaving their poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to find jobs in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is increasing day by day. This causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of which I would discuss in this essay, along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggested solutions.

Firstly
, with the increasing number of well-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it is the local natives who take the toll.
For example
, the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are deprived
of standard education and health benefits, when more and more of the teachers and doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and settle abroad for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sake. This problem can
be addressed
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
registers the professionals who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and compels them to return to their homeland after a defined period, by forming certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations and following them
strictly
.

Secondly
, it is the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that is
hugely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Bangladesh and Pakistan are
still
considered under-developed even after approximately 70 years of independence. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not prefer to stay and work there due to lack of opportunities and poor working places. This problem can
be solved
if the administration provides attractive salary packages,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the standard of the working environment and provides a platform for encouraging the work of the innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, the mass exodus faced by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
under privileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
themselves. This deprives the citizens of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teachers, sensible health care workers and expert engineers,
ultimately
leading to less chance of advancement for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation? v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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