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An increasing number of professionals, such as professionals, doctors and teachers are leaving their own poor countries to work in developed countries What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with the situation? v.2

An increasing number of professionals, such as professionals, doctors and teachers are leaving their own poor countries to work in developed countries What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with the situation? v. 2
In recent decades, Migration has become increasingly common among the undeveloped nation. The principal drawback will be a shortage of Skilled personnel and one lasting solution is Job availability. The major problem that migration can cause is a reduction in skilled labour. This means that qualified personnel will not be available to cater for the pressing needs of the populace such as Good medical services, Quality education and better construction of roads. An interesting example is when my niece had a fatal accident, she was rushed to Kenya General hospital, on getting there we were told that She needs to undergo a surgery within a week. Unfortunately, the only doctor that could carry out the surgery has just resigned and migrated to The Uk. As a result of this, we lost Sarah because the operation was not carried out during the given period. In addition, Another possible issue is an overpopulation of the destination country. This means that more and more people are now domiciling in the developed country. This can result in the high cost of the social life and high unemployment rate because larger people are now competing for available jobs. For instance, it was recently published that the social cost fund in Canada has risen by 70% this year when compared to the previous period. However, the above problems could be overcome if the Government can make available adequate sustaining jobs That is, if a skilled professional finds it more ease to be gainfully employed in his home country, he will not consider migration as an option. Furthermore, the Government can give more access to grants to professionals so that they can have a fund to establish themselves which will make them more comfortable if they have their personal business, hence, erased the thought of relocation in their mind. To conclude migration is major social issue which can result to problem of shortages of key personnel and overpopulation. This can be reduced to the barest minimum if the government can make available more jobs and quicker access to funds for professionals in setting up their businesses.
In recent decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Migration
has become
increasingly
common among the undeveloped nation. The principal drawback will be a shortage of Skilled personnel and one lasting solution is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
availability.

The major problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
can cause is a reduction in skilled
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
. This means that qualified personnel will not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
to cater for the pressing needs of the populace such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
medical services, Quality education and better construction of roads. An interesting example is when my niece had a fatal accident, she
was rushed
to Kenya General hospital, on getting there we were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that She needs to undergo a surgery within a week. Unfortunately, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
doctor that could carry out the surgery has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
resigned and migrated to The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
.
As a result
of this, we lost Sarah
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the operation was not carried out during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
In addition
, Another possible issue is an overpopulation of the destination country. This means that more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
domiciling in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
. This can result in the high cost of the social life and high unemployment rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
larger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
competing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For instance
, it was recently published that the social cost fund in Canada has risen by 70% this year when compared to the previous period.

However
, the above problems could
be overcome
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
adequate sustaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
That is
, if a skilled professional finds it more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
to be
gainfully
employed in his home country, he will not consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
as an option.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can give more access to grants to professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can have a fund to establish themselves which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more comfortable if they have their personal business,
hence
, erased the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of relocation in their mind.

To conclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
is major social issue which can result to problem of shortages of key personnel and overpopulation. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to the barest minimum if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and quicker access to funds for professionals in setting up their businesses.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay An increasing number of professionals, such as professionals, doctors and teachers are leaving their own poor countries to work in developed countries What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with the situation? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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