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An increasing number of people work from home these days and stay in touch with their office using computer technology. v.6

An increasing number of people work from home these days and stay in touch with their office using computer technology. v. 6
Thanks for technological advancements - Information Technology and modern electronic gadgets facilitate to perform several jobs at home settings. These advancements immensely help to the employees in various ways. The life changing concept 'work at home' gives various economic and personal allowances to workers and assist them to makes their life a festival. Firstly, work from home tremendously reduces the transportation cost of employees to and from the office settings. To be more precise, travelling expenses, that is a big burden for many employees, can be significantly reduced by online work. Besides, this money can be mobilised to some other purposes which make the life a cake walk. Recent statistical department's survey reveals that the people work from home settings can be saved extra 35% from their salary by avoiding transportation expenses. Secondly, employed parents get ample times to look after their children at home. In another word, the upbringing of the children, which is always considered as a tough nut to crack, is easing by this new work culture. In addition, employees get plenty of times to spend with their children which is necessary for children's overall development. Recent WHO report indicates that the parents work from home are more successful to fulfil their children's needs than parents work at office settings. To sum-up, work from home concept and trend positively affect all class of workers in many ways. They get not only financial benefits but also get a good amount of time with their family. These new work-cultures is really a boon for many people especially for employed parents in several ways.
Thanks for technological advancements
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Information Technology and modern electronic gadgets facilitate to perform several jobs at home settings. These advancements
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in various ways. The life changing concept 'work at home' gives various economic and personal allowances to workers and assist them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their life a festival.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the transportation cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to and from the office settings. To be more precise, travelling expenses,
that is
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
burden for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, can be
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Besides
, this money can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'mobilised' is British English.
mobilised
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other purposes which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the life a cake walk. Recent statistical department's survey reveals that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home settings can
be saved
extra 35% from their salary by avoiding transportation expenses.

Secondly
, employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ample times to look after their children at home. In another word, the upbringing of the children, which is always considered as a tough nut to crack, is easing by this new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
culture.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of times to spend with their children which is necessary for children's
overall
development. Recent WHO report indicates that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home are more successful to fulfil their children's needs than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at office settings.

To sum-up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home concept and trend
positively
affect all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of workers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
financial benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of time with their family. These new work-cultures is
really
a boon for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
especially
for employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in several ways.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people work from home these days and stay in touch with their office using computer technology. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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