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An increasing number of people today change their career and place of residence several times during their life. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

An increasing number of people today change their career and place of residence several times during their life. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
Nowadays grow a tendency changes profession because we have much broader capabilities for changing specialization or country. However, I cannot completely accept this trend because think one country and profession had better than difference; however, people have different situation and goals that this essay consider. Thus, if the look on work stuff, people who change career always learning something new, and self-development. Moreover, young specialists just after the institute sometimes have not another way except beginning on a different or lower qualification position, and after change it. However, it means what employers hire inept people that on surface understand their responsibility. Therefore, inevitably need a lot of time for such specialist delves in a new area of work, which leads to ambiguous aftermath. Furthermore, observe the situation with a side of migration, where we have two ways on the same profession, or completely different. Firstly, on the same workplace means new opportunities for people with changes in the rules of a country, and languages, what has a better influence too because broaden the mind of specialists. Moreover, if they decide to return to a homeland, such people could implement new knowledge. Thus, for employers of the motherland, it has a good impact too. However, another way it is going on the low qualification position that has not any influence on the lives of these people, except for degradation. For example, the trend goes to Poland for money on the position a storekeeper or cleaner of shops without any promises of growth. Thus, people after such works, when return, cannot find work at home and forced to go again with the same result. To sum up, according to facts presented previous I cannot finally resolve a change of career and country it is good or not.
Nowadays
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "grows".
grow
a tendency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
profession
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have much broader capabilities for changing specialization or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, I cannot completely accept this trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and profession had better than difference;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situation and goals that
The verb 'consider' is plural. Did you mean: "this essay considers"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this essay consider
.

Thus
, if the look on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
stuff,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
career always learning something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
, and self-development.
Moreover
, young specialists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after the institute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have not another way except beginning on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
or lower qualification position, and after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
it.
However
, it means what employers hire inept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that on surface understand their responsibility.
Therefore
,
inevitably
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time for such specialist delves in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
area of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which leads to ambiguous aftermath.

Furthermore
, observe the situation with a side of migration, where we have two ways on the same profession, or completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
Firstly
, on the same workplace means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and languages, what has a better influence too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
broaden the mind of specialists.
Moreover
, if they decide to return to a homeland, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
knowledge.
Thus
, for employers of the motherland, it has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact too.
However
, another way it is going on the low qualification position that has not any influence on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
degradation.
For example
, the trend goes to Poland for money on the position a storekeeper or cleaner of shops without any promises of growth.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after such works, when return, cannot find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home and forced to go again with the same result.

To sum up, according to facts presented previous I cannot
finally
resolve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
of career and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or not.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people today change their career and place of residence several times during their life. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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