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An increasing number of people change their career and place of residence several times during their life time. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

An increasing number of people change their career and place of residence several times during their life time. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
Newspapers and magazines are full of stories about famous people and the wonderful lifestyles that they enjoy. I think it's something that we get used to. We expect to see them wearing very expensive clothes and, going to amazing parties. It seems natural that if you have a lot of money, you will spend it in these ways. Some people who are rich and famous do manage to have a happy life as well. They get married and have children and, although they have to work hard, they still have time to give to their family. Victoria and David Beckham are just one example of a happy celebrity couple. However, money doesn't always bring happiness. In fact, sometimes the opposite is true. Stars often talk to the press about the pressures of being rich and famous. Some of them end up drinking too much or taking too many drugs. The actress Elizabeth Taylor, for example, has been in clinics many times for these problems. The divorce rate is also very high among celebrities. Often their marriages last only a short period of time and they re-marry very quickly but the same thing happens again. Ultimately, I think it depends on the person. I don't really believe that being unhappy is a consequence of fame, but I do think that it may be very difficult to cope with having a lot of money and fame. Celebrities are ordinary people underneath and perhaps some of them are not strong enough to deal with their fame.
Newspapers and magazines are full of stories about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the wonderful lifestyles that they enjoy. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's something that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them wearing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive clothes and, going to amazing parties. It seems natural that if you have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money, you will spend it in these ways.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are rich and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
do manage to have a happy life
as well
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and have children and, although they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, they
still
have time to give to their family. Victoria and David Beckham are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one example of a happy celebrity couple.

However
, money doesn't always bring happiness. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the opposite is true. Stars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
talk to the press about the pressures of being rich and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up drinking too much or taking too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drugs. The actress Elizabeth Taylor,
for example
, has been in clinics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times for these problems. The divorce rate is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high among celebrities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
their marriages last
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a short period of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they re-marry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the same thing happens again.

Ultimately
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it depends on the person. I don't
really
believe that being unhappy is a consequence of fame,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to cope with having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and fame. Celebrities are ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
underneath and perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are not strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to deal with their fame.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people change their career and place of residence several times during their life time. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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