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With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development? v.5

With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 5
The population in urban area has being witnessed a huge rocket with many people immigrant from rural places, which have put a massive constrain on the available housing and activity space. Personally, such trend would cause serious issues for both citizens and the society as a whole. Unable to live in an adequate space would greatly impair mental and physical well-being. On the psycho aspect, being constrained in a limited enclosure area and have less chance for outdoor activity increase the likelihood of depression and claustrophobia. Besides, the lack of air fluency indoors fosters respiratory-related disease and undermine working efficiency as the low oxygen containment. Living in that atmosphere for a long time would only favour the breed of bad behaviors such as snooze and lazy, as a result, risking loss of self-confidence. It is noteworthy that the disadvantaged group is not the only victim for shrinking in size of residence, the affluent group who is capable of affording bigger house, sometimes, also bears the consequence. When gap enlarged and the disadvantaged group noticed, it is often the case that the group which policy less in favour of holds a hatred against society, and the wealthy people always be targeted as their revenge object for seeking justice. Murder, robbery, stealing may witness a rapid increase if the soaring house price shows no indication of mitigation. Therefore breaking the peaceful and harmony atmosphere of the overall society. In conclusion, reducing average residence area for accommodating more population is, by all means, the worst method. Controlling the immigration amount and encouraging rural development are the right choice to make.
The population in urban area has
being witnessed
a huge rocket with
many
people
immigrant from rural places, which have put a massive
constrain
on the available housing and activity space.
Personally
, such trend would cause serious issues for both citizens and the society as a whole.

Unable to
live
in an adequate space would
greatly
impair mental and physical well-being. On the psycho aspect,
being constrained
in a limited enclosure area and have less chance for outdoor activity increase the likelihood of depression and claustrophobia.
Besides
, the lack of air fluency indoors fosters respiratory-related disease and undermine working efficiency as the low oxygen containment. Living in that atmosphere for a long time would
only
favour
the breed of
bad
behaviors such as snooze and lazy,
as a result
, risking loss of self-confidence.

It is noteworthy that the disadvantaged
group
is not the
only
victim for shrinking in size of residence, the affluent
group
who is capable of affording bigger
house
,
sometimes
,
also
bears the consequence. When gap enlarged and the disadvantaged
group
noticed, it is
often
the case that the
group
which policy less in
favour
of holds a hatred against society, and the wealthy
people
always
be targeted
as their revenge object for seeking justice. Murder, robbery, stealing may witness a rapid increase if the soaring
house
price
shows
no indication of mitigation.
Therefore
breaking the peaceful and harmony atmosphere of the
overall
society.

In conclusion
, reducing average residence area for accommodating more population is, by all means, the worst method. Controlling the immigration amount and encouraging rural development are the right choice to
make
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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