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An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantage and disadvantage for both individuals and companies to shopping online. v.6

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantage and disadvantage for both individuals and companies to shopping online. v. 6
People have different perspective regarding online shopping. Because of increasing demand of consumers there are a lot of profitable companies nowadays. Although some buyers and business enjoying the benefits of shopping online, others facing negative experiences. Firstly, one of the good reason of buying online is convenient of costumers. All things that you possibly needed was posted in front of your laptop or mobile phones. People don’t need to be stress in facing crowds in shopping mall or traffic in order to buy something. It takes only few hours to browse in internet then purchase order. After that it conveniently deliver to you without hassle. And for some companies this are beneficial. For example, they don’t need a big capital to start business and manpower to help them. Since its online, they just need to upload the picture of their product for marketing. Less worker and more convenient. For instance, your place is far from shopping center, less worry because its easy for you to shop and less costly. And for the companies its accessible for them to showcase their product not only limited to one place but even to many places that they can thru social media. On the other hand, due to growing online consumers most of the companies gained a good profit on their business. But one of the negative impact, they are not an environmental friendly. According to latest research about online shopping, they’re using more plastic bags for packaging compare to shopping center that promoting eco-friendly bags to use instead of plastic. For example, if you will buy three products online they will pack it separately, whereas in shop these can be put together in one bag. Another possible problem is, buyers tend to be more impulsive. Because of accessibility of online shopping the costumer buy more products than usual. This will result of increasing number of people having addiction of buying things even its not necessary. In conclusion, online business are both beneficial to consumer and companies. However, there are also consequences to be aware of.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of increasing demand of consumers there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
nowadays. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
buyers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
enjoying the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, others facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
experiences.

Firstly
, one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is convenient of costumers. All things that you
possibly
needed
was posted
in front of your laptop or mobile phones.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
don’t need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in facing crowds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall or traffic in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something. It takes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few hours to browse in internet then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
order.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that it
conveniently
deliver to you without hassle. And for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
The verb 'are' is plural. Did you mean "these are", "this is" or "this was"?
this are
beneficial.
For example
, they don’t need a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
capital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and manpower to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them. Since its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need to upload the picture of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
for marketing.
Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean "Less work"?
Less worker
and more convenient.
For instance
, your place is far from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center, less worry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its easy for you to shop and less costly. And for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
its accessible for them to showcase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited to one place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
even to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places that they can
The word 'thru' is informal. Consider replacing it with "through".
thru
social media.

On the other hand
, due to growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
consumers most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
gained a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profit on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact, they are not an environmental friendly. According to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
research about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, they’re using more plastic bags for packaging compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center that promoting eco-friendly bags to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
instead
of plastic.
For example
, if you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
they will pack it
separately
, whereas in shop these can
be put
together in one bag. Another possible problem is, buyers tend to be more impulsive.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of accessibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
the costumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
than usual. This will result of increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having addiction of buying things even its not necessary.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
are both beneficial to consumer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
However
, there are
also
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
be aware of.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantage and disadvantage for both individuals and companies to shopping online. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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