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An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v.18

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v. 18
It is becoming increasingly popular to shop online, but although online shopping seems more convenient, there are disadvantages to replacing the traditional retail store. In this essay, I will address some of the pros and cons about buying over the Internet. One of the main advantages of purchasing online is the potential cost saving. Since online shops don’t need physical locations and many employees, labour costs are driven down, thus transferring these discounts to the final product price. Amazon is one of the largest companies in the world, that started out selling books ultimately converting into a multi-billionaire operation across the world. Furthermore, when buying online at Amazon, the consumer has access to a marketplace with multiple vendors. For example, they can review their purchasing experience, in this way Amazon gives customers the freedom of choice. In spite of this, local stores are the support of many families and online shopping can hardly replace human interaction. If a retail store closes down, many families cease to receive an essential income, even if the family is provided with a severance package. Therefore, retail stores need to overcome the risk of becoming obsolete, because people prefer to have everything easy rather than having to make an effort to get it. Take for instance, Circuit City, a large technology retailer that had to file bankruptcy in the midst of global takeover of online retailing. In conclusion, people are shopping online because of its practicality, in addition to this, many are finding cheaper prices in the Internet stores and fast-shipping inventory. On the contrary, there are a number of companies lagging behind and being unable to innovate in this modern era.
It is becoming
increasingly
popular to shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping seems more convenient, there are disadvantages to replacing the traditional retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
. In this essay, I will address
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
pros and cons about buying over the Internet.

One of the main advantages of purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is the potential cost saving. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops don’t need physical locations and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
costs
are driven
down,
thus
transferring these discounts to the final product price. Amazon is one of the largest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the world, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
out selling books
ultimately
converting into a multi-billionaire operation across the world.
Furthermore
, when buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
at Amazon, the consumer has access to a marketplace with multiple vendors.
For example
, they can review their purchasing experience, in this way Amazon gives customers the freedom of choice.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
this, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are the support of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping can hardly replace human interaction. If a retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
closes down,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families cease to receive an essential income, even if the family
is provided
with a severance package.
Therefore
, retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
need to overcome the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of becoming obsolete,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to have everything easy
rather
than having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it. Take
for instance
, Circuit City, a large technology retailer that had to file bankruptcy in the midst of global takeover of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
retailing.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its practicality,
in addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are finding cheaper prices in the Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-shipping inventory.
On the contrary
, there are a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
lagging behind and being unable to innovate in this modern era.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online? v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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