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Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.9

Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 9
Nowadays, we have more tools to do business, grow our capital and look forward to having a better future, but that does not necessarily mean we can ensure joy. In this essay, I will try to explain further how having a big fortune is far from being the cause of happiness. There are many reasons why wealth tends to drift apart from being happy. It can be a burden when everything surrounding has been a product of stress and tears of pain. Moreover, if all efforts are just to make more money, it can be rather easy to experience a turnaround and lose capital in seconds. The anxiety of having large amounts of money is a consequence of having to spend more of it to make it safe, take for example the cost of having personal security and monthly payments to safely store cash in banks. Humans have evolved because of scarcity and danger. The more we don’t change, the more inclined we are to become lazy, which is why humans need motivation. Therefore, this is the main reason why we cannot compare bliss with wealth, because our minds cannot change the way they work, only because we have more or less money. Furthermore, contentment has different forms of manifesting itself, like for instance, there is so much joy in having everything and being able to share with others. To conclude, wealth can make all sorts of superficial and materialistic wishes come true, which is far from being the reason for our peace of mind. Is there anything else in the world that can replace a family dinner, watching the first steps of your child or being there when your parents need you in the hospital?
Nowadays, we have more tools to do business, grow our capital and look forward to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a better future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that does not
necessarily
mean we can ensure joy. In this essay, I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
further
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
fortune is far from being the cause of happiness.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why wealth tends to drift apart from being happy. It can be a burden when everything surrounding has been a product of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tears of pain.
Moreover
, if all efforts are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money, it can be
rather
easy to experience a turnaround and lose capital in seconds. The anxiety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
large amounts of money is a consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
to spend more of it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it safe, take
for example
the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
personal security and monthly payments to
safely
store cash in banks.

Humans have evolved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of scarcity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. The more we don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, the more inclined we are to become lazy, which is why humans need motivation.
Therefore
, this is the main reason why we cannot compare bliss with wealth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our minds cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way they work,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we have more or less money.
Furthermore
, contentment has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of manifesting itself, like
for instance
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much joy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
everything and being able to share with others.

To conclude
, wealth can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all sorts of superficial and materialistic wishes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true, which is far from being the reason for our peace of mind. Is there anything else in the world that can replace a family dinner, watching the
first
steps of your child or being there when your parents need you in the hospital?
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Wealth does not necessarily guarantee happiness. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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