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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v.2

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 2
There is an increase in the trend wherein in a vast number of children are becoming overweight, which can be a risk to their life's in their declining years. I believe the problem of obesity is due to lack of awareness and poor eating habits. This essay will emphasize the problems and solution for obese children. In my opinion, children are becoming overweight since their body is not receiving the right nutrition and no physical exercise can have various health hazards when they age. Children are overweight as they are not aware of the nutrition required for the body. They eat whenever they are hungry from the roadside hawkers where the eatables served are not healthy. The quality of food eaten can cause sickness. On the other hand, Children do not exercise regularly as they are not active since their muscles becomes weak due lack of minerals and vitamins in their body. Moreover, the education system has loaded them with a humongous amount of information to study for their exams. These children join coaching classes where they are seated at one place with no form of physical activities. Exercising can burn the excess calories in the body. But if the calories are not utilized by the body, then they are stored in the body in the form of fats which makes a person look overweight. I suggest, that parents should monitor their children and make sure that they eat eatables with high nutritional content. There must be regular workout regimen and health checkups to see if the body is healthy to avoid any unnecessary medical treatment. In conclusion, we live longer when we are healthy. Being overweight can cause heart related disorders. Medical expenses can cost a fortune and it is important to avoid unwanted medical expenses. Obesity can be avoided, and it impacts your physical well being.
There is an increase in the trend wherein in a vast number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
, which can be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to their life's in their declining years. I believe the problem of obesity is due to lack of awareness and poor eating habits. This essay will emphasize the problems and solution for obese children.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
since their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
is not receiving the right nutrition and no physical exercise can have various health hazards when they age.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
as they are not aware of the nutrition required for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. They eat whenever they are hungry from the roadside hawkers where the eatables served are not healthy. The quality of food eaten can cause sickness.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
do not exercise
regularly
as they are not active since their muscles becomes weak due lack of minerals and vitamins in their body.

Moreover
, the education system has loaded them with a humongous amount of information to study for their exams. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
coaching classes where they
are seated
at one place with no form of physical activities. Exercising can burn the excess calories in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if the calories are not utilized by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
, then they
are stored
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
in the form of fats which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person look overweight.

I suggest, that parents should monitor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they eat eatables with high nutritional content. There
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be regular workout regimen and health checkups to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
is healthy to avoid any unnecessary medical treatment.

In conclusion
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer when we are healthy. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
can cause heart related disorders. Medical expenses can cost a fortune and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to avoid unwanted medical expenses. Obesity can
be avoided
, and it impacts your physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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