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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v.6

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 6
When human enter in modern society, they defeat harsh environment and escape from cool and hunger, but another problem catch them, which is overweight. Parents find their kids become fatter and lazier and obviously may cause serious health problem in the future if without control. This essay will discuss the main reasons for it and give several measure to solve the issue. The first reason for the increasing weight of children is the ignorance of healthy life habit and diet, and this phenomenon is remarkably common in developing countries. For example, in China, many kids spend the main time on studying and they always sitting in front of desk table or computer for too much time. Only few time is leave for exercise which lead to obesity in young age. Moreover, lots of children cannot control themselves stay away from junk food. When these various delicious food bring them enjoyment, on the same time they also contain excessive fat and sugar, which cause overweight. Finally, some kids are struggle in obesity not because of unhealthy diet but because of gene problem. They cannot stop from becoming fat even just eat little food. There are several measures should be done to control the situation. Firstly, schools should leave enough time for children to doing sports. In order to help kids keep fitness, many schools have made the rule to push student doing exercise. Secondly, parents need to forbidden their kids to eat junk food. And cook delicious family food as alternative. Overall, the obesity could be solved by healthy diet and regular exercise. And schools and parents should help kids to gain healthy life habits.
When human enter in modern society, they defeat harsh environment and escape from cool and hunger,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
another problem catch them, which is overweight. Parents find their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
become fatter and lazier and
obviously
may cause serious health problem in the future if without control. This essay will discuss the main reasons for it and give
Possible agreement error. The noun measure seems to be countable; consider using: "several measures".
several measure
to solve the issue.

The
first
reason for the increasing weight of children is the ignorance of healthy life habit and diet, and this phenomenon is
remarkably
common in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
For example
, in China,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
spend the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
studying and
Did you mean "they're always sitting", "they are always sitting", or "they were always sitting"?
they always sitting
in front of desk table or computer for too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for exercise which lead to obesity in young age.
Moreover
, lots of children cannot control themselves stay away from junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. When these various delicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
bring them enjoyment, on the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
also
contain excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar, which cause overweight.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are struggle in obesity not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unhealthy diet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gene problem. They cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
from becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
food.

There are several measures should
be done
to control the situation.
Firstly
, schools should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for children to doing sports. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fitness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools have made the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to push student doing exercise.
Secondly
, parents need to
Did you mean "forbid"?
forbidden
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. And cook delicious family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as alternative.

Overall
, the obesity could
be solved
by healthy diet and regular exercise. And schools and parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to gain healthy life habits.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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