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Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 1
Some people are of the opinion that computers have more negative effects on children than positive ones when used every day. I strongly disagree with that view because I believe computer systems are essential for learning in todays society. However, care should be taken on the amount of time children spend using their devices daily. The use of computer systems is important for research and learning and as such it has a positive influence on a child's mental growth if used properly. Nowadays, most schools make use of them for teaching students and they also give take home assignments which usually have to be answered via the internet. For example, a recent study claims that secondary school students who study with the internet perform better than those who don't in their final exams. Computers are also a major tool for working in the society and having children interact with it on a daily basis prepares them for future jobs. Proffessions such as software development and graphic design requires a long time to be spent working with computer systems, therefore operating a computer system often can prepare a child for such careers. For example, Steve Jobs believed every child should have a personal computer by age 9 because he believed it would help them prepare for the future. One major reason people believe using computer devices daily is not good for children is the fear of addiction. However, I believe that setting healthy time boundaries for its use can help overcome such issues. In summary, children have more to gain presently and in the future from using computers daily in this modern age. They need it for study and it prepares them for many careers. However, care should be taken in the amount of time they operate their devices to help avoid any issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that computers have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
every day. I
strongly
disagree with that view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
are essential for learning in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
society.
However
, care should
be taken
on the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend using their devices daily.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for research and learning and as such it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on a child's mental growth if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
properly
. Nowadays, most schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of them for teaching
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they
also
give take home assignments which
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be answered
via the internet.
For example
, a recent study claims that secondary school students who study with the internet perform better than those who don't in their final exams.

Computers are
also
a major tool for working in the society and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
interact with it on a daily basis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepares
them for future jobs.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Proffessions
such as software development and graphic design requires a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
be spent
working with computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
,
therefore
operating a computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepare
a child for such careers.
For example
, Steve Jobs believed every child should have a personal computer by age 9
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he believed it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepare
for the future.

One major reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe using computer devices daily is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the fear of addiction.
However
, I believe that setting healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
boundaries for its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
overcome such issues.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more to gain
presently
and in the future from using computers daily in this modern age. They need it for study and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prepares
them for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
careers.
However
, care should
be taken
in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they operate their devices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
avoid any issues.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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