Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v.4

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 4
In present times, technology has been seen to have taken over. Even in individuals' daily activities, new technological inventions are applied. I believe breakthrough in applied science has improved the quality of life. A quick look at mobile banking invention and artificial intelligence will further explain this. To begin with, in recent times mobile banking has disrupted the traditional banking system. For instance, before the advent of mobile banking, a person who wants to transfer money from his/her account to another would need to go to a banking outlet to fill a form and join an enormous queue to get that done, but with the mobile banking system, individuals sit in the comfort of their homes and make transfers to accounts without any stress. This banking innovation proves that advances in applied science improves human life. In addition, a new technological evolution known as artificial intelligence has been applied in different aspects of human activities. For example, artificial intelligence can be applied in medicine by using it for diagnosis and assessment of severity of diseases, the use of this intelligence is said to decrease cost of health care as diagnosis will be more accurate and there will be better predictions in the treatment plan as well as more prevention of diseases. This new breakthrough will help to make better the quality of life. However, some are of the opinion that mechanization can also be used in some negative ways which may include development of weapon of warfare as well as the invent of unethical cloning, but I believe that technology has been used in better ways to make living more suitable. In summary, technological inventions such as mobile banking as well as artificial intelligence have been seen to enhance good quality of life and in future, further breakthrough will make the world a better place.
In present times, technology has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to have taken over. Even in individuals' daily activities, new technological inventions are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applied
. I believe breakthrough in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applied
science has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the quality of life. A quick look at mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
invention and artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in recent times mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
has disrupted the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
system.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the advent of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
, a person who wants to transfer money from his/her account to another would need to go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
outlet to fill a form and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
an enormous queue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that done,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
system, individuals sit in the comfort of their homes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
transfers to accounts without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
innovation proves that advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applied
science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
human life.

In addition
, a new technological evolution known as artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applied
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of human activities.
For example
, artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applied
in medicine by using it for diagnosis and assessment of severity of diseases, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
is said
to decrease cost of health care as diagnosis will be more accurate and there will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
predictions in the treatment plan
as well
as more prevention of diseases. This new breakthrough will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
the quality of life.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the opinion that mechanization can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ways which may include development of weapon of warfare
as well
as the
The word 'invent' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "invention"?
invent
of unethical cloning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that technology has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
living more suitable.

In summary, technological inventions such as mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banking
as well
as artificial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intelligence
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to enhance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality of life and
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
,
further
breakthrough will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the world a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
place.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts