Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

An increasing number of advertisement on Tv aim at children. What are the effects of television advertising? Should television advertising be controlled? v.1

An increasing number of advertisement on Tv aim at children. What are the effects of television advertising? Should television advertising be controlled? v. 1
It is argued that there are numerous adverts on television with the aim of children as a way to raise their number of sales. This phenomenon exerts some detrimental effects on both children and their parents, and I am of the opinion that some measures should be put forward to tackle it. When children become the main customers who companies gear toward, they and their parent will be burdened some unwanted outcomes. First and foremost, children will be swayed by advertisements to insist on their parents to buy products impulsively. While young customers are frequently not fully equipped with abilities to differentiate between good products or not. Therefore, their parents would purchase products reluctantly following their children’s hobbies and interest to satisfy their children’s demand. This will lead to a reduction in their own budget. Another detrimental influence is that when there have too many adverts on television, children’s cognitive development will suffer from. This is because they would believe in all information on that adverts. This trend makes me believe that some strict regulations should be imposed by government’s bodies. The explanation for this is that when the government enacts laws on companies, this will raise their awareness about the role of exact information conveyed on television. If they do not supply exact and enough information about their products, they will be punished. Consequently, not only children but also their parents will gain positive effects. Parents could save money instead purchasing products for their children without intention. To conclude, numerous adverts on television are exerting detrimental effects on not only children but also their parents and I would contend that government should enact some strict laws to tackle this trend.
It
is argued
that there are numerous adverts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
with the aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as a way to raise their number of sales. This phenomenon exerts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effects on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and I am of the opinion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures should
be put
forward to tackle it.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become the main customers who
Did you mean "(companies)"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'customers' should be used.
companies
gear toward, they and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
will
be burdened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwanted outcomes.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
be swayed
by advertisements to insist on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
impulsively
. While young customers are
frequently
not
fully
equipped with abilities to differentiate between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or not.
Therefore
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
reluctantly
following their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
hobbies and interest to satisfy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
demand. This will lead to a reduction in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
budget. Another detrimental influence is that when there have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
cognitive development will suffer from. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would believe in all information on that adverts.

This trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict regulations should
be imposed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s bodies. The explanation for this is that when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
enacts laws on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, this will raise their awareness about the role of exact information conveyed on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. If they do not supply exact and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
information about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, they will
be punished
.
Consequently
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
could save money
instead
purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without intention.

To conclude
, numerous adverts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
are exerting detrimental effects on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and I would contend that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should enact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict laws to tackle this trend.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of advertisement on Tv aim at children. What are the effects of television advertising? Should television advertising be controlled? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts