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Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.8

Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. with this opinion? v. 8
We are all keen on visiting historical and artistic objects wherever possible although the impact of direct viewing has been recently challenged by some people. I strongly believe that remote viewing of such valuable items merely through computers cannot be a practical proposition, and I will outline the reasons in this essay. To begin with, the museums and art galleries have been seemed to be more beneficial than virtual tours to impart multifaceted knowledge about various realms, ranging from historical and traditional to scientific and social topics. A historical object displayed in a museum can disclose a wealth of information regarding the social conventions and cultural contexts, especially when specialists are invited to lecture regularly about them. Whereas computers may not be able to easily convey such the whole collected information only through a picture. Furthermore, many historical specimen and artworks have long been maintained in galleries to preserve local cultural identity and tradition which handed down between generations. With the ever-rising using of new technology and computers, many museums and galleries may have to close which is absolutely a potential menace for cultural conservation. Of course, some may argue that social networks and computers have provided us with a great opportunity to travel throughout history and time to visit not only local historical and artistic collections, but also we can browse for international, historical crafts and items gathered in foreign museums. However, it can never be compared with the human experience of observing them personally. In conclusion, I believe that museums and galleries are essential for each country to preserve their cultural heritage and present educational exhibitions for visitors which seems to be hardly achieved by computer-based information.
We are all keen on visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
and artistic objects wherever possible although the impact of direct viewing has been recently challenged by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
strongly
believe that remote viewing of such valuable items
merely
through computers cannot be a practical proposition, and I will outline the reasons in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
have
been seemed
to be more beneficial than virtual tours to impart multifaceted knowledge about various realms, ranging from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
and traditional to scientific and social topics. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
object displayed in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can disclose a wealth of information regarding the social conventions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
contexts,
especially
when specialists
are invited
to lecture
regularly
about them.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
computers may not be able to
easily
convey such the whole collected information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through a picture.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
specimen and artworks have long
been maintained
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
to preserve local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity and tradition which handed down between generations. With the ever-rising using of new technology and computers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close which is
absolutely
a potential menace for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
conservation.

Of course
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that social networks and computers have provided us with a great opportunity to travel throughout history and time to visit not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
and artistic collections,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
we can browse for international,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
crafts and items gathered in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
However
, it can never
be compared
with the human experience of observing them
personally
.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
are essential for each country to preserve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
heritage and present educational exhibitions for visitors which seems to be hardly achieved by computer-based information.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. with this opinion? v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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